One Crazy Ride

Adventures with AJ

2011-05-15T18:04:00.001-07:00

Dear Mom and Dad,

I hope you enjoyed your flight and are having fun tonight in Miami. I wanted to write and tell you about my first day at Shan and Brian's. When they picked me up I had just been put down for a nap. I was SO happy when Aunt Shan was there taking me out of my crib! I really liked the ride because Abby was there to keep me company.

When we got to the house I played for a bit while Abby had a nap, and then I ate lunch. I discovered I had superpowers! Did you know that if there is a single solitary tiny object on the floor I can find it and put it in my mouth? I found a dime-sized piece of paper and was happily chewing on it while Brian was supposed to be watching me. Shan came over and made me spit it out. I didn't mind, it wasn't that tasty anyway.

After my lunch I decided it was time for a nap. Shan could tell because I kept staring at her and my eyes were all puffy. I went down with my new friend the giraffe and a teddy bear blanket of Abby's, because Shan had forgotten to grab my monkey and blankies.

I really liked watching the ceiling fan spinning overhead and went to sleep with no fuss at all. I liked snuggling the giraffe, it plays music!

I slept for a really long time, almost 3 hours! Then Shan decided to get me up, she is so selfish, she thinks she deserves to sleep at some point tonight.

After a while we had dinner and it was time to play again! Abby has so many toys that I like, but I think the old keyboard from DI is my favorite. I can button mash all I want! I've sampled almost all of the toys around, and find that some of them feel really good on my gums, in particular a pretend slice of peach.

Abby and I decided to spend some quality time looking out of the screen door. I like seeing all the cars go by. I even got to say hi to Shan's neighbor, Barbara! She is really nice and walked me all around the house.

I miss you mom and dad but I hope you have a great time!

Love, A.J.

Worst Blogger Ever

2010-10-25T22:20:00.001-07:00

Okay the truth is I just put more effort into my law blog now, because I have a lot of legal friends across the country and they give me great feedback. I should probably just shut this one down but it's been around so long I would miss it. A random Googler found my blog today and paid me a compliment, how cool is that?

Things are going well, although of course my energy mostly goes to school. Here it is 11:30 at night and I am doing laundry, bound and determined to do all of it, because I am just sick to death of what my house has turned into. School is taking up more and more time and it's frustrating, because let's just say that things are not "to my level of expectation" around here if I'm not the one doing it.

I got some fantastic new jeans and boots today. I am INTO Fall! Now that we've had our first snow I'm into Fall, you say? Yep. Law school has placed me months behind. I mean, my last post on this blog was in freakin' August. I have no sense of time. The last thing I remember, it was March, and I was visiting the law school to make sure I wanted to attend. And now it's almost November.

That. Is. Crazy.

I love it, and like I said things are great. I'm just sort of blocked when it comes to writing and talking about life. There's just too much.

I'll leave it to someone else.

Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain.
[pause]
Inigo Montoya: No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.

22 Days?!

2010-08-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been 22 days since I last posted. Yes, I have been posting on my law blog, but still, the rest of you are being neglected!

Updates:

School is going great. It's hard, every bit as hard as they say. I need to get some discipline going fast or I will get overwhelmed. How so??? Here's some math for you.

Every day of class equates to about 2 hours of study. Sometimes it's 3. We'll go with 2 for now.

On Wednesday, I have 4 of my 5 classes. On Tuesdays, I have a 2 hour break between classes, and then class gets out at 3.

So on Tuesday, between classes, I study for Class Number 1. = 2 hours
After classes, I study for Class 2, Class 3, and Class 4. = 6 hours
So on Tuesday, I get done around 9pm if I'm lucky.

On Wednesday, I have about a 1.5 hour break to study for Thursday. This means I am working on my 2 Thursday classes for at least 3 hours after school gets out.

YIKES.

The good news is that on Thursday, if I'm diligent, I can get my Friday reading done early. Today I was done by 4 and spent the day/evening playing on the new Playstation and adoring my baby girl. I think I am going to like Thursday and Fridays. On Fridays, I'm done at noon with NO READING. I think I will plan to read for Class 4 (Legal Research) over the weekend. We'll see how it goes!

In other news, Abigail is doing great at the sitter. Today they picked me up, and while watching Abby the sitter cleaned my house. Best money I've ever spent. She did an awesome job and I got to do homework while the baby was running around. I wasn't dealing with her, but I got to see her and it made me happy. Plus my house is super shiny now! I don't know how often we'll do it, but it was really nice after such a difficult week. Now I can enjoy my weekend and not spending it cleaning.

That's all for now!

Sea Salt

2010-08-03T20:18:00.001-07:00

A restaurant opened down the block from us recently. They haven't put up a sign yet so it was a bit of a mystery as to what type of place it is, until I finally walked up to their door to read the name and menu. They're always busy, so we thought we'd see what the fuss was about. Here is my review, such that it is.

Their appetizers looked good, but there were a lot of Italian words I've never seen before. And that is saying something. We went with a foccacia and olive plate, and a cheese tasting. Four or five types of cheese, walnuts, and honey served with a lightly seasoned foccacia. Pretty awesome. The foccacia and olive plate was good, although the bread was overcooked and charred in some parts.

We decided to go with the fiorentino pizza, which is essentially my pizza with the additions of egg (cooked over-easy) and black truffle. The proscuitto was a little too tough. I couldn't taste the truffle at all. The arugula was the most prominent flavor on the pizza, and as it's just a strong lettuce that's a little disappointing.

We both voted that Settebello is much better, and also agreed that my pizza trumps both. Yay for me!

We both liked the cheese tasting a lot, although I think the antipasti at Settebello is better. They have the yummy cured meats sampler which I prefer to soft cheeses.

The place itself is fairly nice. The chairs are odd and don't really seem to go with the decor. They are this natural grayish wood, and look artisan. The tables and counters are gray/white marble-like with lots of white cabinetry and flooring. Artisan meets hyper-classy? Odd combo. If you pay attention to details, you see the table legs have peeled paint. Unless they are antique (I highly doubt it) this is a little off. Also, they built this place WAY too fast. You can tell because paint is peeling around the inset light fixtures. Yikes. A plus, the wine fridges installed way up high above the bar are really cool. Excellent wine selection, probably 100 different bottles. I went with Diet Coke, but only because I had a strenuous workout right before we went over and my heart rate was all over the place.

All in all, we spent 50 bucks on a meal I could have prepared for 10. Ordinarily I wouldn't worry about that, because I enjoy going out, but I don't think the quality compensated for the cost.

Bye Bye Cable TV

2010-08-02T09:32:00.001-07:00

When we moved across the street we decided we should probably cancel our cable. So I called in to see what sort of deals they could give us, and they talked me into staying. Not too difficult, as I sort of figured we could just cancel later. Then the following things happened and pushed me to cancel.

1. For one month straight, we almost never used the cable TV. When we did, it was to play Mickey Mouse for Abby in the morning.
2. They screwed up my billing and charged me two late fees I didn't deserve.
3. They charged us 40 for installation and didn't disclose it beforehand.
4. Our bill was supposed to go from 120 a month to around 80 a month with the promo they were giving us, but instead went up to 170.

So, we hauled our cable box and remote (did you know they charge you 25 cents a month to rent THE REMOTE) and told them we wanted to shut off our cable but keep our internet. The girl looked at me and told me I would be charged a 14.00 fee for downgrading and the price of my internet would go up to 52 a month. I said fine.

She smiled and said "Let me see if I can get you a promo deal."

BAM! $19.99 a month for 6 months. NICE! So we went down from 170 to 20!

NICE. And we don't miss the TV at all!

Red Butte Garden

2010-06-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

We have a membership at the local botanical garden (owned by University of Utah) and today we went for the second time. We decided to stop and have our picnic first, and almost immediately Brian goes "look behind you." So I turn around and not 5 feet away is a squirrel with a gullet full of food. He kept running off and then coming back up to us, hoping we would drop some food I'm sure. Then he sprawled out to have a little rest in the sun.

Almost immediately, another little friend hopped out of the flower bed to join us. I felt like fricking Snow White!

Abby was happy to have a snack and was quite enjoying her little squirrel friend, who was not shy about coming right up to the stroller.

As we walked I proceeded to take a ton of photos of the pretty foliage. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Unfortunately I didn't get anything too spectacular as my viewfinder is not a fancy screen intended for bright sun. Maybe someday I will get an upgrade. Brian in particular liked the "Doctor Seuss" flowers. Abby was all too happy to point out that lizards have eyes.

It was a fun day, and now I am all sun-tired and worn out. Nap time!

Quilt

2010-06-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

I started a little project back in October. I hacked up all of Abigail's clothes from her first year. I just couldn't bring myself to donate/sell/toss them, when some of those outfits she wore when she was first born or were particular favorites. So, I decided to make a quilt. After cutting the clothes up and making uniform shapes, I made a quilt design. I did it in Excel and it looked like this:

And then I never did anything with it. I bought a sewing machine to use but with the different types of fabric (some stretchy, some not, some cut against the bias, some the opposite) the machine just wasn't cutting it. So I decided to do it by hand. I needed to be able to lay the whole thing out, because of the design I wouldn't really know where to stop colorwise, but had no place to do it where a particular 1 year old would not destroy it. I decided I absolutely have to get this done before school starts, and determined as soon as we moved into our new place I would get to work.

We moved in on Monday, unpacked on Tuesday, and I have now done 4 out of 18 rows. I had never actually laid out the pieces until just this week. It looks even more incredible than it did in my head. I am SO excited. This will be a cherished heirloom that I will keep forever. People keep assuming I will give it to Abigail, but c'mon, this is way too special to hand off to a rugrat or stick in a box until she's 18. I want to snuggle it, just like I snuggled my little baby when she was wearing these things. Bonus point of using old clothes, they are pre-snuggled. AND they've been washed a million times so they are easy to sew and there is no worry about shrinking or having to be ironed.

Here it is!

I may make a collage with pictures of her wearing the outfits centered around a photo of the quilt.

Everything Old is New Again

2010-06-09T20:37:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are pics of the desk I restored. It belonged to my brother-in-law Mark who passed away in October. He had considered going to law school himself, so I think it a fitting tribute that I should use it while I go to law school. It previously had horrendously tacky (and fairly tarnished) brass flourishy handles on it. I replaced them with these black iron ones from Lowes. As I had to drill some new holes to get them to fit, they're not entirely straight. (I didn't want to have to drill 2 new holes rather than 1, because the old holes can show. I'll fix those later.)

Here it is, all cleaned up and oiled!

Moving Day

2010-06-09T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

I'm moving entries from my old Livejournal to this blog. As they (smartly) do not have an export function I can find, I'm having to do this manually and alter the dates. You may see posts that appear in your RSS and then disappear, which means I have published and forgot to change the date, and then fixed it.

I apologize for the tease of new content! But, the posts I'm moving over are from my trip to England and they make for great reading if you're desperate!

Love, Shan

John Darren Johnson

2010-05-31T23:51:00.000-07:00

I want to start this post off by saying that teenagers can be real assholes. I have no ill feelings toward anyone involved in what I am about to discuss. From my 16 year old perspective, Tawny was my friend who was dating my other friend, who didn't want to date her anymore. Once they broke up, he and I started dating for about five minutes. And he went back to her. And I hated her for it. Passionately. Like a 16 year old, which is what I was. Nonetheless, I'm sorry for those rough times. I think of her as a friend now. She has grown up to be an amazing person and great mom, and it's hard to not think things really worked out for us the way they were meant to.

Anyway, sorry to ramble.

This week my former high school boyfriend John passed away. I know that the time he spent with Tawny was incredibly important to both of them, but the time he spent with me was important to me, even if it wasn't to him.

He was my first real broken heart. I've been trying to reconcile my feelings about his passing and it's difficult. I keep saying you are supposed to think back about your young loves and remember them fondly, idly wondering where they are now. You aren't supposed to know they are gone at 30.

As I reflect back on our friendship and relationship, I'm amazed how much I've forgotten. If I ever hope to get any sleep, I feel like I need to write down some of what I do remember, to help me process it. I also have some of his sketches (and some of mine regarding him) that I've photographed due to my lack of scanner.

I remember the first time I met John. We were building a haunted house as a fundraiser for the drama club. I had just become friends with Tawny and Erin while in Cedar City for Shakespeare competition. Tawny was older and had a car, and seemed to be the leader of drama in general. Her dad was a professor in theater at the local college, so we went down there to borrow some supplies for building the haunted house. At some point, we picked John up and he was set to be our construction supervisor, which was code for help us figure out how the hell to pull this thing off. Part of the problem was the school emergency lights could not be turned off. Well if it's not dark that sort of ruins the haunted house. Our solution was to get ladders, drape millions of yards of black fabric and cover up the ceiling lights with anything we could find. John and I ended up in charge of that, and we got to talking. We hit it off immediately, finding common ground in a few areas. We liked the same movies, the same music, and both our families were lower class and worked in construction. While he was working construction at that time, I'd often worked on site for my parents when school was out. We'd both been born Southern and relocated to Utah. We had so much fun that night assembling things, and became fast friends.

Soon after, things in Tawny/John land were not all roses and clover. He would talk to Erin and I about wanting to move on. We encouraged him to do what he felt was right, but he was scared to assert himself. There was a lot of history there and it meant a lot to him.

Naturally, there was high school drama, but I'll skip that.

I don't remember how we first got together. I vaguely remember one of the billion times we were riding around in the back of Erin's mom's truck. It had a shell on it so one lucky person could sit up front and the rest would pile in the back, flailing and trying to keep balance with a lack of seats. I remember he kissed me, or I kissed him, or who knows.

We had a tight-knit group there for awhile. Me, Cara, Erin, Ryan, John, Lacee, and a few others spent a lot of time together. I remember the summer Ryan moved here from Arizona. I was working at the army-navy store. John was working for his dad doing construction. Every night I would take my 40 dollars cash (8 hours at 5 an hour with no taxes) and go pick John up. We'd go to Village Inn or to the dollar movie, or just go hang at someone's house. Sometimes we would drive up the canyon and go to the park. We'd build a fire or just go sit by the river. There was usually some making out going on, as Erin and Ryan would wander off. John and I eventually found a special spot with a great view of the valley. We'd go there at night after dropping everyone else off. I would ask permission to drive him home from my house and come back hours later, having been distracted and not wanting to say goodbye as we sat parked out in front of his house.

I'd had a serious boyfriend before, but I was completely convinced this was the real deal. I decided to tell him how I felt, and what I thought our future plans could be. That, as it turns out, was a bad thing.

I guess guilt got the better of him, because he came over one day and told me that his dad was starting a big project down in southern Utah and he would be going down for work. He said he would be gone for about 9 months and he "didn't want me to wait for him." I was so in love, and such an idiot, I actually tried to talk him into keeping things going. I didn't see that he was trying to break up with me. I told him I would wait and things would be okay.

My memory gets fuzzy at this point. I remember I called him up expecting to hang out at usual. I remember a car, Tawny's perhaps? People pulled up to my house and someone told me John and Tawny were back together, and that they'd been together behind my back for a while. There was no job in southern Utah, he had just been trying to spare my feelings. Because that's the kind of person he was, he never wanted to hurt anyone.

We sort of stayed friends after that, but it was hard for me. I wasn't over it. Ryan ended up leaving and going back to Arizona. He and Erin had broken up and she'd started dating someone else. There was drama of course, all over the group. John wasn't entirely happy about his decision. He was fine with the breakup, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be with Tawny. One night, at a school dance, he and I spoke and talked about getting coffee that night so we could talk. We both made excuses about needing to get home and then secretly got together at Village Inn. We drank two full pots of coffee and I found myself really sick. I had horrible jitters and was freezing cold. I was so desperate to be near him I didn't care about being sick. He suggested we go find a place to park for awhile so I could unwind before heading home. We found a parking lot and sat in the car talking the rest of the night, watching the sunrise. That was the last time I was ever alone with him. He had his chance to make a move and he didn't, so I knew it was really over. I couldn't remain friends with him either, things had just changed. Friendships changed, we all evolved into different people with different priorities. The era of Josh and Dave rolled in for me, and my world became about them.

So many people had changed in a way I didn't understand. Smoking pot all the time, like it was actually an activity you could do. Listening to music I didn't get. Wearing clothes I completely didn't get. I distanced myself and was chastised for being a "toogood" or judgmental. I had my own very real reasons for not doing drugs, and I took it seriously. I didn't even want to be around it. I lost most of my friendships because of this; including my sister.

John eventually got together with Lacee and had some of the best times of his life. My little sister was a big part of the time, as she and Lacee had become best friends. I am glad that he had such a close group of friends during that time. I went to Lacee's the other day and I could see how happy he was in photo and videos.

My time came before, not just our little fling, but our friendship too. That is what I remember, and what is important to me. I hope to see Erin soon so we can talk about our memories, because we shared it with so few people. I feel isolated and alone in my grief, like the John I knew was in an alternate timeline and dimension. It is both frustrating and special, almost like a daydream I once had. That is what the loves of our youth do to us.

I'll always love you John.

Skanks in the City

2010-05-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last night my pal Sarah and I went to the mall to have a little dinner and do some shopping. As it was finally warm, we decided to sit outside. As we watched people passing along the promenade, we saw the occasional overly-dressed duo of pudgy women. They were crammed into halter dresses with mini-skirts, strapless monstrosities designed to bring out even the tiniest muffin top. The hair was big. The makeup was ridiculous. The shoes looked incredibly painful. It was all evening wear, and it was still pretty early.

"What the hell is going on?" we wondered.

We just kept seeing more and more of these women and the garishness, when it finally dawned on us that Sex in the City opens tomorrow. The local radio and TV stations like to do sneak preview nights with giveaways and fanfare. We decided to go see a movie ourselves and as we got closer to the theater our suspicions were confirmed. Women were POURING out of the movie theater wearing BEDAZZLED "press passes" with Sex in the City printed on them. They were stopping and taking photos in front of the movie posters.

Ugh.

Now, I should say, I am a fan of the show. I will go see the move, but largely because I have several friends who want to see it. The first one was okay, but I am dreading this one. We'll have fun, for sure, but I will make sure not to over analyze any of it. It seems so tacky and excessive; a tribute to consumerism and privilege. Not exactly my cup of tea. We'll probably dress up, but you can be damn sure that my muffin top will be well obscured beneath Spanx and I will not be wearing fifty cubic tons of eyeliner.

Trivial Dilemma

2010-05-17T14:58:00.001-07:00

I have been lucky to develop a handful of readers. Some lawyers, some about to be lawyers, and some mommy-lawyers. Love to you all!

The problem is, some read this blog and some read my personal blog. I thought it would be important to keep the two separate, to spare blawg-readers my mundane baby bragging and vice versa, keep my friends and family spared from any legal ranting.

Can it be done? Should I just combine them? Should I double post entries to each?

On another note, I received a packet from The U this week, containing a form to pay my orientation fee. It feels like highway robbery, but whatever. I completely panicked and rethought law school. I started asking everyone for advice who would listen, even though everyone knows this decision is mine alone. I really want to be a lawyer, it just sucks that all those wishy-washy overachievers out there are saturating the market. Oh and there's that whole recession thing.

I've decided I'm going to do it. Again. Crisis averted. Now I just have to shell out the cash.

I've refinished my vintage desk and put new hardware on, pics to come, I promise!

I'm going to have a lovely kid-free office to use for studying. YAY!

Sometimes I'm Lonely

2010-05-14T22:35:00.001-07:00

THERE. I said it.

Most people who know me would say I am outgoing, extroverted, and make friends easily. However, there is this whole other side to me which is actually quite pathetic and needy. I need to spend time with grownups! I would love it if I could just make some friends in my neighborhood. The friends I have are priceless and always there for me, but in reality it's a big compromise for us to get together so it can't happen all that often. What I wouldn't give for a mom nearby to buddy up with me to do things like take the kids to the park.

It will be great when Pete and Amy move in because our girls can play, but I'm not sure how often middle-of-the-day activities will happen since Pete is the one who stays home and watches Rachel. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem hanging with Pete 1-on-1, but he might. Or our spouses might. Who knows?

When I go out for walks I see kids toys in yards and I sometimes wish the mom would come out.

"Oh, look how cute your little girl is! How old is she?"
"Fourteen months."
"Mine is too! Let's be best friends and have book club and go for coffee and take the kiddies to the park!"

*Sigh*

Salt Lake is lonely. Especially if you don't have a church or other social network to join. I think law school will be super good for me.

Not to Brag or Anything...

2010-05-14T21:13:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago we had our new friends Pete and Amy over for dinner. Their little girl is about 20 months old (and afraid of Abigail who is a little too excited and shrieky for her taste) and we were discussing their development. Abby is so tall, she easily matches Rachel's height. When we got on to the topic of language, I casually mentioned that Abby knows about 35 words. Later that night as I spent my usual 1-2 hours laying in bed trying to drift off, I wondered if I were bragging. Even worse, was I lying? Did she really know that many? So I listed them off in my head, and just for fun here you go:

mama, dada, mom, dad. Mama is also used for baby dolls, because I made the mistake of saying "Mama!" while holding them up and pretending they were calling HER mama. Now she thinks that's what they are called.

baba (I swear we didn't teach her baba as bottle, she just sort of did it herself,)

ball
box
bath
more
all done!
ni-night
go
bye-bye (which she alternates with a very Southern sounding bahhh)
love you
pineapple (which sounds more like apple)
hi
good
how YOU doin?
no
duck
dog and dogs
please
mine
bum
butt
this
what's that?
light
switch
Mickey Mouse
hello
nana
grandpa
Alex (her Uncle Alex, she just learned this one this past weekend)

I am pretty sure there are more that I'm forgetting, but still, it's impressive, no?

The Fear

2010-05-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

Today while on a walk to the library, I had an epiphany. For months and months I was terrified of Abigail learning to walk. I was convinced she was going to kill herself. I was convinced she would hit her head and die silently from a subdural hematoma. I was really really scared.

But, now that she is relatively proficient, the fear is all but gone. She's had goose eggs on her forehead from hitting a table. She's faceplanted on the ceramic tile in the kitchen. She hit her chin on something the other day and I didn't notice the mild gash in her chin until a day or so later. (Don't worry, it's almost healed now and shouldn't leave a scar.)

The other day at the Argyle house she climbed the two steps from the family room to the kitchen while we all watched. We had no idea she could do it!

It was hilarious though because once she figured it out she wanted to do it over and over. The problem being she had to get down somehow, and sitting down and scooting on her butt didn't seem to be an option. Oh no, not for this girl. She has to be standing up and just walk out into thin air with NO FEAR. This results in falling down or having to be caught, but still, NO FEAR!

Maybe I should take a page from her book.

Future Doctor/Lawyer/Astronaut/Pop Sensation

2010-05-04T09:19:00.001-07:00

I'm an auntie!! Little Avery was born yesterday. I'm so excited, and she is beautiful!

Pizza Pizza

2010-04-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

I've never made real pizza, with dough and yeast and all, ever ever ever before. I've used pitas instead of crust, but this will be my first attempt at scratch. I got really addicted to this odd pizza with Italian ham and arugula on it, so I'm going to try and make it.

If it works, it should turn out like this:

A Little Me Time

2010-04-14T14:41:00.001-07:00

So lately I've been more interested in buying little things for myself. I went to the mall the other day with Sara W. and bought myself some body spray from The Gap (eww.) I had a bottle when Brian and I first started dating and would wear it every day and I remember he once confessed when I would spray it on before leaving in the mornings he would get all melty. When it ran out I still had a few other perfumes so I didn't replace it, and I don't generally indulge in things I don't really need. I picked up a bottle the other day and went to this awesome store in the mall that sells accessories for super cheap. I got a cute headband and a couple of awesome necklaces.

Today I was at it again. It was so warm and lovely outside I decided to take the baby for a walk. We went over to Foothill Village and got her haircut, and then went into SteinMart and Downeast Basics. I got some tank tops and a couple necklace/earring sets. They're these great chunky bead and stone necklaces which are (I guess) pretty popular right now.

I feel semi-human. Now if I can just lose this weight I might even feel pretty again someday. I'm planning on hitting the gym tonight and then watching the Jazz game, should be good times.

Here are pics of Abby's haircut.

We All Have Our Foil

2010-04-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

I don't mean foil in a bad way, just someone who offsets certain aspects of your personality and helps you be more introspective. This person also serves as THAT friend. The one you won't see or talk to for months and when you finally do it's like no time has passed at all. I had dinner with my friend the other night and it was so amazing I felt compelled to write about it. I feel so lucky to have so many giving friends, but this night was particularly special to me. We reminisced about our pasts, including stupid things we did when we were young and stupid. We laughed, a lot, to the point I thought maybe the restaurant staff or other diners might be annoyed. You know how you won't think about something for ten years, it's so blocked out that it may as well have never happened? This is what good friends from long ago bring out.

On top of all the reminiscing, I learned new things, about my friend and about myself. I learned her perspective of me, both back in high school and now. She told me how proud she is of what I've accomplished and who I've become. I feel just as awed by her, especially given what an amazing mom she is. She inspires me, always has. She was the one we all knew was going places, and she has already done and been through so much I know we weren't wrong.

While discussing our various problems and life-issues, we discovered something really interesting. She is the Brian in her marriage, and her husband is the Shan. Years ago Brian and I would have these horrible arguments, which even once resolved were devastating. The argument itself, not so much the topic of the argument, would cause damage. We had to figure out how to be better at arguing. That is an odd statement for me to type, because anyone who knows me is aware of my finely tuned arguing skills. I will destroy people in an argument. I have a knack for remembering everything and I'm quick to present evidence. I can rebut any statement so efficiently (and meanly) that I intimidate my opponent so much they can't respond. It's about winning, not about coming to an understanding or resolving the actual issue. Winning, at any cost, is all that matters IN THAT MOMENT. None of this is something I am particularly proud of. So when I say Brian and I had to get better at arguing, I don't mean better at winning.

We figured out how my arguing style would stifle him, undermine his feelings, and generally freeze him up. When he wanted a break to regroup, I would keep pushing for the argument to continue (easier to win that way) despite his frustration and exhaustion. We also figured out that he did not bring problems up when they occurred, but instead stewed over it for days until the emotion he was feeling was the problem and not so much whatever I had done to upset him. Half the time he didn't even remember what it was I had done, which was unfair to me.

As we discussed these things, we made promises. We got better. Our arguments now last about ten seconds. They usually go like this:

A: Are you okay? You seem grumpy/pissed off/upset.
B: I am a little I guess.
A: Did I do something?
B: When you said X it upset me.
A: (gets mad) Well I didn't mean it that way.
B: I know.
A: (sulking)
B: (sulking)
A: I guess when I said X, I was just reacting to Y. I shouldn't have said it like that.
B: Okay. (hugs and kisses A)
A: (hugs and kisses back)
B: Thanks.
A: Thanks for telling me.

Now sometimes I'm A and sometimes I'm B, but the point is that while it's still an argument and that sucks, we've figured some things out and it has made a huge difference. The whole thing usually lasts no more than ten minutes, and when we make up at the end it REALLY feels resolved. I don't harbor resentment like I used to, because we don't have these huge traumatic screaming matches. It's pretty amazing.

Anyway, I digress. My friend and I talked about it, and figured out her husband is just like I am/was. I could empathize with how she felt, because it's how Brian feels and I have the benefit of having discussed it with him in depth. I could provide her insight she would not have without talking to her husband, which is good because talking to her husband would probably lead to an argument with all those same issues. I felt like I really helped, which was good, but I also felt like it helped me. I could really see how far Brian and I have come, and it made me even more grateful for how amazing he is.

I had a health issue this week and once again, he stepped up and supported me. I won't go into details, but we were facing something that could majorly change some aspects of our relationship. He was so brave and willing to face it all head-on. He even said to me "It's a good thing we don't hate each other." Which is his way of saying how great we are together. We're best friends, and that is wonderful.

It's really fantastic to have friends who, when you look at them, reflect yourself.

P.S. Abigail is walking like a pro! She is suddenly (like, today) SO much faster and well-balanced. Huge improvement in one day!

So Behind

2010-04-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I'm so behind on blogging, it is so unlike me! I wonder what could have happened to cause this.

1. Brian got his wisdom teeth removed (along with a bunch of fillings and scaling..ouch). He was off work for over a week and generally felt horrible for most of it.

2. I finished up work and started staying home with Abigail. My hopes of going to places like the park were dashed when Utah decided to be a dick and get all cold and snowy.

3. Went to the local library for the first time and discovered they have a pretty awesome kids section with blocks and toys. Abby had a ton of fun.

4. Went to a Jazz game with friends, super fun.

5. Signed up for the gym, and even worked out a couple of times!

6. Had a lovely Easter holiday with the families.

7. Spent tons of time with Brian and the baby, being incredibly happy.

8. We installed the swing Abigail got for her birthday and she absolutely LOVES it. She thinks it's hilarious when I pretend she is going to hit me and I jump out of the way. She also loves when Daddy lets her "kick" him as she swings forward.

I can't seem to decide if I want to continue writing letters to Abigail. I don't think I can keep up with it but feel torn because I want to document all her amazing experiences and traits. Maybe I'll just do it quarterly...

My Day as a Pretend Law Student

2010-03-18T21:16:00.001-07:00

Today was Admitted Students Day and boy was it a loooong day. I came home so exhausted I just shoveled some Taco Bell into my face and promptly went to bed. Thank goodness I have a loving husband who would take care of our baby while I was incapacitated. WHICH I WAS. I have not been so tired since the first trimester of my pregnancy. I slept from 6:30 to 9:30 pm and I am still barely functioning. Attempting to speak to my husband who saw what appeared to be a Hollywood zombie version of his wife stagger meekly out of the bedroom is taking every fiber of my being. Mostly I just say "Unnnnnngh." I want to write it all down while it is still fresh, however, but I will promptly pass out again after I am done. The thought of brushing my teeth physically hurts me, I am THAT tired.

The day started off pretty awesome, with the best thing it can start with, FOOD. We dished up breakfast and saddled up to tables with ambassadors who immediately started fielding the millions of questions we all have. I met a guy from Stanford who was SO frustrated that he hadn't yet heard from Harvard. Others talked about how they got into Columbia and all these other places that sound impressive, but are still considering University of Utah. Well then. U of U was my ultimate pie in the sky choice, and I just kept saying how I had gotten accepted by pure magic. I don't know where they got those onion potato things, but goddamn they were fantastic.

The Dean popped up and introduced himself and talked about the top six things the school is committed to affecting with its students. The effect of its graduates on the world as opposed to the other way around is a huge commitment U of U makes. One of the six things was Bio/Medical, which I am hugely interested in. During the faculty panel I asked about what sort of jobs I could work in if I chose to emphasize Bio/Medical and the professor-guru of the field got all excited and told me to come see her sometime. Sounds like I would have plenty of work if I dug myself into that little niche.

I am also extremely interested in criminal law, and spent a few minutes speaking to the president of the Rocky Mountain Innocence Center. I am pretty certain I will do their clinic, though the judicial clinic sounds great too.

I attended a mock criminal law class and the professor was absolutely fantastic. If any of the other professors are half as kick-ass as he is, I am in for a seriously amazing experience.

Of course the school was wooing the undecided, so their information was biased, but the more I heard the more I was certain about my choice to attend there. About half the students are married and a large number with children, so right off the bat I have some things in common with people and a wealth of resources. The environment is incredibly collegial rather than competitive. The faculty to student ration is 8:1, which is the second best in the country. AND the professors are perpetually available to students for anything from help reviewing class materials to chatting about the game last night. They were very serious when they talked about their open-door policies, and said not enough students take advantage of that availability.

I see so many opportunities to give back to my community, and I am not worried about finding a job when I am done. Out of last year's graduating class, only 2 people are currently looking for work. The rest are employed. The salary rates are not super sexy, but I am not doing this to make the big bucks anyway and that is largely just a reflection of the current economy which is on its way up. I am not kidding myself, I know it won't be easy, but most things I do aren't so I am up for the ride.

I made my first law school friend, someone I started the day chatting with and happened to walk out with. We even exchanged phone numbers so we can help each other navigate through the coming months.

I was right, this day made me more excited than ever to begin law school. I know I am doing the right thing and I know I am doing it in the best place for me and my family. That kind of clarity is rare for me, so it feels pretty great.

Now I am going to bed. Again. I really hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night unable to sleep.

1 Year Appointment

2010-03-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we took Abigail to one of her favorite places; the pediatrician's office. She loves him because he's sort of loud and VERY animated. It's like a one-man show, only you get shots at the end. Being a big bad toddler now, when the nurse was done ~~torturing~~ vaccinating her, Abigail got to eat her very first sucker! She proceeded to ~~spew sucker juice all down her naked abdomen and all over me as she simultaneously sucked and sobbed~~ enjoy the sucker. It suddenly hit me how good we've been at not giving her sweets. Well, apart from her birthday cake and the Ben and Jerry's I am always willing to share.

Good news for ~~our wallets~~ Abigail! No more formula. While we had done well at saving money by ~~forcing her to tolerate~~ introducing her to the Costco brand formula, it was still a substantial sting each month when we stocked up. She has loved milk when she's tried it, so I am sure the transition will be easy.

I was sort of stressing out about what to feed her now, and the pediatrician didn't help when he said "It's easy, she eats what you eat." Dear God no!! That is a terrible idea! I guess it's time to start eating better. I've been meaning to start making breakfast and cooking dinner every night, so I guess I will have to make sure to do that. Tonight we'll hit the grocery store. I have been majorly craving spinach lately, and since it's good for me it's a win-win.

Next on the list, find a play group. Dooce mentioned today she had found one, and since I know she lives in my neighborhood I emailed her to ~~beg~~ inquire if we might join as well. I have got to get Abby out of the house this summer and have some fun!

Dear Abigail

2010-02-28T19:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Abigail,

One year. A period of time that can feel instantaneous or like a lifetime. This particular year was oddly a bit of both. One moment, I'm wondering if we'll EVER get to stop breastfeeding. I wanted my freedom (and my breasts) back and the time seemed to stretch on very slowly to the six month mark I had chosen as our goal. The next moment, you are saying "Hi!" and "Bye bye!" and taking your first steps. Now that you are one, it is incredible that you actually LOOK different. You look older. Not that you're getting crowsfeet or anything, but you seem to have a look in your eye that says you know something, and you're not telling.

Your birthday party was excellent. My very good friend Amy made the most amazing ladybug cake.

You got to eat one of the little ladybugs all to yourself. It was a really big piece of cake and you made a terrific mess.

I was so happy. So many family and friends came to share your special day, and you got pretty spoiled with all the gifts. We actually had to pick out a bunch of toys to leave at Grandma and Grandpa Argyle's to make room for all the ones you received. They sure have made toys fantastic since I was a kid. You even got a fancy bike with a video display that lights up when you pedal. It has games and teaches you things. How cool is that?!?

Your personality is changing a bit. You are definitely more interested in Mommy and Daddy. We are your conduit to seeing and touching things above your reach. You have discovered there is a whole world up above your head and you want us to hold you up constantly so you can be a part of it. Maybe you're using us for our height, but I like to think you just love us.

I am starting law school this fall, and I feel like there is a clock ticking along, counting down the time you and I have together before I begin my studies. I ache when I imagine studying for an exam and not seeing you for days. I am seriously considering quitting my job just before summer so I can spend a few months at home with you. I want to eat you up and have you all to myself all the time; you're so amazing and fun.

We turned your car-seat around for your birthday, now that you're old enough and weigh enough. You LOVE being able to see where we're going and we like being able to check on you much easier. I am excited for the weather to turn warm so you and I can resume our daily walks.

You are so curious and interested in everything. Everyone continues to comment on how smart you seem and how engaged you are. You make faces indicating concentration, curiosity, wonder, and bewilderment. It's a show I could watch all day long.

I love you, Bug. I am so glad you're mine and the memory of the day you were born will always best of my life.

Love, Mama

Fun Things

2010-02-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

Abigail got her haircut this week, so here is a new pic.

Last night my girlfriend Sarah and I went and saw Shutter Island. I decided it would be fun if I had a few drinks before we left. Mmmm Frangelico and Diet Coke is surprisingly good. They had weird times for the movie, and due to a baby shower she had to go to beforehand, Sarah and I ended up at the 9:45 showing. Brian and I ordered pizza from The Pie and I had some drinks before it was time for Sarah to pick me up. It was so much fun hanging with Brian before heading out to the movies. What a full night of fun! The movie was really really good. I don't see the things some critics complained about at all. I was even surprised by some of the plot, where I can normally predict everything.

This morning my darling father-in-law came up to our house to help us take the POS treadmill back to Wal-Mart. I had to freaking take the thing apart entirely because the cable that runs out of the belt/motor runs INSIDE the dang frame up to the console on top. It took forever. My father-in-law and I had a nice chance to talk as we drove down to the valley and the guys at Wal-Mart were super helpful and nice. They paid me in twenties, so I have a very large wad of cash in my wallet. It's crazy. And yay, the goddamn treadmill is dead. I am so happy.

Now to figure out how to lose all this horrible weight. Soon I will get my student ID card and I'll be able to use the student gyms, which will be nice. I'm thinking I'd like to swim again. We'll see what happens. In the meantime, I think I will just suck it up and make the long drive to my gym.

We got to go see my parents today, which was swell because it's my mom's birthday. The baby played and played and played, it was so much fun. Brian and I got a bunch of hot wings and we all just chilled.

What a fun weekend, and it's not even over yet!

Hate That Fraking Treadmill

2010-02-17T20:00:00.001-08:00

So many of you have heard my rant about the treadmill. It broke my wedding ring. It severely smashed my finger. It has a faulty latch which disengaged and pinned me against a wall, cutting my other finger. A bolt flew off and nearly hit me in the eye (at super high speed.)

When we moved it the other day it disengaged again and nearly smashed me.

Then today I came home and Brian told me the same bolt that we had a problem with before FLEW OFF while he was running on it.

So that a$$hole is going back. I called Wal-mart and asked if we can return it without the packing materials. They said all they need is the user manual and the UPC code, which they can get off a different one as long as they have it in stock.

Oh yeah, it is SO going back. I prefer going to my gym anyway, and there was debate about what we would do with it when we move into student housing. If I had known I was going to be getting into the U I wouldn't have bought it, because I can use their gym for free as a student.

Stupid goddamn treadmill. I'm sorry for the language, but that think has ticked me off so bad and for the last time.

Can't Stop Moving Furniture

2010-02-15T17:52:00.000-08:00

We ordered some corner bookshelves to hold our DVD player and game consoles etc. because Miss Abigail decided to grow more inches and subsequently learn what ALL the buttons on the DVD player do. Open. Close. Open. Close. Fast Forward. Rewind. Open. Close. Take out the DVD's and rub them on the rug. In addition, we picked up a toy organizer for Abigail's birthday present. It's super cute and helps us organize her billions of toys. She has fun emptying out all the bins after I've cleaned it all up.

We also have the treadmill to deal with now, and after a week of Abigail constantly going back and trying to get around it so she could stand at the window and wave at all the cars (saying in her soft little voice Hiiiiii! Hiiiii!) I decided to move it. So that required moving the armoire and various other furniture pieces. I unloaded the big book shelf and moved it to Abby's room, where it is perfect for her larger toys that don't fit into the bins. Her room looks great!

Whenever Brian and I move furniture around, it turns into this endless speculation and we slowly drive each other crazy until one or both of us gives up. Usually, it is my fault. I don't like how this looks or that looks or the rug is too bunched up or the angle is off or "what if we try..."

Ack. But now that it's all done I can find something else to obsess about. I have almost all of the supplies for Abby's party, apart from deciding on a couple more hors d'oeurves. I've been trying to come up with something nutritious and creative, but every website I hop onto just recommends fraking cupcakes.

Oh yeah, and by the way, there is no way in hell I am going to read 50 bucks in 2010. But I'll read as many as I can.

And it's February

2010-02-03T08:53:00.000-08:00

My mom says February is her favorite holiday, and I agree. It's certainly my favorite month of the year when it comes to events. First, my parents' anniversary, followed by my birthday, then Valentines. A week later it's my mom's birthday, and then after that it is Abigail's birthday. We have something going on pretty much every week of the month. When I was a kid I used to say my birthday lasted all month, because it really felt like it. A tradition my mom had with us kids was to get us pajamas each year on Valentine's. One year she got me a silly shirt. It has a cat wearing a jester outfit and it says in big letters, "Kiss me, you fool!". I still have it and wear it to sleep in, although the fabric is beyond paper thin and has some holes worn through.

I am planning to do the same tradition with Abigail, although she is growing out of things so quickly right now I dunno when she will be able to wear them. I'm thinking it is time for two piece pajamas. She can still wear shirts that are 6-9 months as long as they aren't too short, so I figure two piece will let us keep wearing at least one half a little longer.

I can't believe she is almost a year old. I feel like I am desperately trying to remember every detail of the last year. Like when she was a day old and she kept opening and closing her mouth and I couldn't decide if this meant she was hungry or if she was just practicing. Or how she would sit and clench and unclench her tiny fists. She has sensitive skin so if she leans on something too long or is in her car seat for a long time she'll get bright red marks that take awhile to go away. Anything that is pressing on her (or she is pressing on) will get red, but it doesn't seem to be painful. It's just alarming to Mom. She is saying words now like "eye" and "nose" and "yay!" and I am struggling to remember what it was like when she was so tiny and could barely cry.

*sigh*

Days go by.

Dear Abigail

2010-01-25T11:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Abigail,

Eleven months! In one month you will be a year old. This, to me, is SHOCKING, just SHOCKING! Okay not really. In the grand scheme of things, it definitely feels like a year and while parts of it went by quickly all in all the time seems just about right. You do things a one year old does. Like grow teeth. This month you got four new teeth, bringing you up to six. You are now proficient at waving "bye bye" and it is so adorable. Each morning when I put your coat on and I ask "want to go bye bye?" you start waving at me. The other night when we left Sunday dinner at the Argyle house you waved goodbye to each family member. It really is the cutest thing. We are starting to get into a good routine with me working again. Each day the babysitter brings you to pick me up from work and drops us off at home. From then (usually around 2:30) you and I hang out until Daddy comes home. We get a lot of play time and cuddle time in during this period, and I am really enjoying it. Getting out of the house for a few hours has been good for me, and I think it has been very good for you. You love the babysitter and having another baby to play with. You have gotten quite good at feeding yourself, which makes me very happy. I can put you in the high chair with your very own mountain of green beans and you will just sit and eat and pound on the tray (you're definitely going to be a drummer, I think) happily. You developed a fear of baths recently, which we've been fighting by having you take baths with me. You don't seem afraid at all when you're in the big tub and I'm in there with you, but I'm not much of a fan given how little water I can put in (I get quite chilly.) I think this week we will try putting you in the big tub by yourself. Hopefully you won't freak out. You said "Hi Grandpa" the other day, although it sounded like "Hi Mumpah!" and you only said it once. Could have been babbling, but since you actually did say it to Grandpa Alan I think it counts. I can't believe your birthday is coming up. I have no idea what to get you, as you have SO MANY TOYS. I send a different couple toys with you to the babysitter every day and we've yet to run out. I think I may even get rid of some soon, to make room. Perhaps we'll get you that toy box we've been considering. We're using empty diaper boxes to hold your millions of toys at the moment, and we're starting to run out of room under your bed. I think I will take you to get pictures taken for your first birthday, I feel like we've really started slacking in the photo department. We took SO MANY the first six months and then it sort of tapered off. You get more adorable every day. Everyone says so. When they see you from week to week people often comment on how you got cuter somehow, though it doesn't seem possible.

I love you so much, this has been such an amazing 11 months together.

Love, Mommy

Dear Abigail

2010-01-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Abigail,

I decided to post an old picture, which is one of my favorites, for a change. Lately I just can't seem to get over how big and grown up you are. You used to be so little and it just blows my mind, so I need photographic evidence in order to convince myself it is true. This month you started going to a babysitter for half the day, because I started working again. You seem to really enjoy it. The babysitter has a granddaughter close to your age and you love having a playmate a few times a week. When you come home you are often exhausted and happy, so I can tell you had fun and wore yourself out playing so much. I stressed about having someone else be with you for so long, and seeing how well you're handling it is a great comfort to me. Hey world, I sent my kid to a sitter and you didn't end!!

You are learning so much, it's really adorable. When I drop you off in the morning you wave "bye bye." When left to your own devices you have your socks off in about ten seconds. When we change your diaper you flick the velcro until it comes off. I see naked baby in the near future. That will be SO fun. You've been learning things like which button on the remote controls the volume. That has proved a challenge for us, because if we take out the batteries you figure it out. If we do that with the Wii Remotes you notice it doesn't light up when you push buttons and you are not happy with us. You are just too smart.

You suddenly decided you are terrified of baths. We aren't sure why it happened, but you cry and cry until we cave and take you out. I'm not sure what to do about it, I guess we'll just let you shower with us until you get over your fear. It is really strange though, because you loved baths and would cry when we'd take you out before.

You are getting lots of teeth! You had your bottom middle two already, but this month you've been working on the top middle ones and two of the top sides ones. They've made a lot of progress this week, and you've been drooling a ton. Luckily for us, you are such a happy and mild mannered baby even when you're teething. You may be slightly clingy and want to be held more, but unless I am trying to eat a messy meal and need both hands I am generally happy to oblige. I just love holding and snuggling you. When you wake up crying at night from the teething I usually just bring you into our room and let you sleep with us for awhile. I can usually sneak you back into your bed after an hour or so, which is good because otherwise I don't get any sleep.

I can't believe your first birthday is coming up next month. I am already planning your party! I always thought big parties for babies is silly, but people love you so much and want to see you all the time so I can't help but do something special.

I love you Bug,

Mommy

Feelin Groovy

2010-01-12T16:02:00.000-08:00

This has been a crazy couple of weeks. I started my new job, and my mom was admitted to the hospital. She went home yesterday and is doing better, but she'll have a few more tests done soon. I am pretty happy at the job. I like the people I work with and I don't find the work to be very difficult. I can see a lot of opportunity in the company, which is always nice. I will be changing to part time soon as I've pretty much tackled training really fast. That will be nice, because I'll be home around 3 every day, leaving plenty of time for normal things like laundry and cooking. It's the best of both worlds, and I couldn't be happier.

Abigail is enjoying going to the babysitter, especially when her new friend Bella (9 months) is there to play with her. They have a great time trying to poke each other in the eye. Well maybe not trying, they're just not very dexterous.

It's kind of lame but I am excited for my Netflix discs to come this week, I am going to start watching Burn Notice! I have seen a few episodes and I like them a lot.

Last night I splurged and bought some Cricut cartridges. I got Animal Kingdom, Storybook, and My Community. They are super cute, but pricey. I am still having major guilt over spending the money on them, but as I am about to embark on Abigail's scrapbook I figure it's kind of important to have a little fun while doing it, otherwise it will feel like a chore.

I got contacted today by a technical recruiter about a job. It's either feast or famine I guess! I am glad to see that the market is starting to fill up with more jobs, it's a good sign. There was nothing for so very long.

Anyhoo, best wishes to all!

No New Pics

2010-01-03T21:33:00.000-08:00

Still waiting to get copies of pictures from Christmas, I can't believe I forgot my camera. I have some video, but it's probably not quality enough to upload. Abigail got spoiled but not too much, and she had a great time with all the family. It's been super busy. Naturally this time of year you take stock of your life and everything that matters. I can't believe how unbelievably lucky I have been. Even those parts of my life that were mistakes have turned out to be blessings for which I am very grateful. Those who were a part of my life and aren't anymore have moved on to find happiness. I can't help but believe that things really have turned out the way they should have. I am so grateful for Brian and Abigail. Every day I am a little more crazy about my little girl and excited for who she will become. As far as the future goes, things are still up in the air. I have been admitted to a few schools thus far, but there is a very real possibility that Brian will go on to get a P.h.D and we'll stay in Utah. We'll see, for now I am just excited for what this new year will bring. I am also excited for my new job. I am just waiting for some paperwork to go through and will probably start sometime this week. It's going to be an adventure for sure!

Another Week Bites the Dust

2009-12-15T10:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I check my blog and I'm surprised at how sporadic I am. Some days I post more than once, then nothing for a few weeks. Random!

So I decided not to take the US Bank gig. Ten bucks an hour with 4-5 going to the babysitter just wouldn't be worth it. So I am still looking. I have an interview tomorrow with Zion's bank. It's tech support so it pays more than a teller position. Also a friend is referring me to their work, so that could turn into something as well. We'll see.

Christmas is getting so close and I am getting really excited, mostly because I love to give people presents. We are going to do our annual drive around looking at Christmas lights soon, probably this weekend. It's a shame Abigail will be stuck backwards in her car seat while we do that, so she won't see that much. Oh well there is always next year!!

We had our holiday party on Friday, and it turned out super fun! My turkey for some reason took FOREVER to cook but it came out so delicious it was worth the wait. I will be eating leftovers for some time, and this makes me happy.

Abigail is teething again. She has two teeth coming through (one is through but not all the way down, the other is just a tiny little dot) and she has been a bear to deal with. I am pretty sure she is also going to get two more on the opposite side soon, because it's all swollen. She keeps waking up screaming in the night. Like, full on SCREAMING. Not crying; but screaming. It's so hard, and we're often not sure what to do. I often just put her in bed with us; it's the only thing that seems to work. But that means I get no sleep, so I'm not sure it's worth it. =)

Hope everyone is doing well!!

Running Downhill

2009-12-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

Wow things are happening! Saturday we went down to Highland for a friend's wedding and then decided to crash at Brian's parents' house. We ended up putting the lights on their tree for them. Diane was so grateful I thought she was going to cry and then squeeze me to death. Apparently Bruce hates doing it, and the thing had been sitting there for weeks just dropping needles. It was driving me crazy so I had to do something about it. Then I vacuumed up the living room so the baby could finally be released into the wild. Diane was super grateful for that too, as was the baby who had been confined to the sofa the whole day. We made gingerbread houses (will post pics later) and the roof fell off of ours. Luckily we took pictures beforehand, but Diane said she would hot glue it for us and we could pick it up next week. It was super fun, especially with all the lasagna I ate!

Today I had a job interview with US Bank. I really liked the manager who interviewed me and I think I probably got the job. He was very enthusiastic about my having a future in management and suggested if they hire me they will put me on their management development track immediately. A huge number of branch managers in the company started in the same position I would be working. The downside is it doesn't pay much to start, so I would be paying out a huge chunk to a babysitter. Brian says he will change his schedule to be home a little more often during my work hours, so we wouldn't have to pay as much for child care. We'll see what happens, I should know if I got the job by Wednesday, but it's looking good. I am mostly excited about the opportunity for stability and growth with them, because I could turn this little part time position that's close to my house into an actual career. Cool!

Dear Abigail

2009-12-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Abigail,

Nine months!! We just got back from your nine month checkup. The doctor says you are doing awesome! Your height and weight are in the 75th percentile. He was impressed with your skills as usual, and encouraged us to continue practicing your walking. You are standing up so amazingly now, I'm sure you'll be walking really soon. You have two teeth already, on the bottom middle, and it looks like you'll be getting another one on the top left side any day now. Your nose has been running for DAYS.

We have had so much fun this month. You said your first word, which was "up." Then yesterday you picked up your coat and said "GO! GO!" which was absolutely adorable. You are becoming an incredible mama's girl. You don't want anyone else, except for Daddy who is the center of your universe as soon as he comes home at night. You love to cuddle with me on the couch and watch TV. We weren't going to put up our Christmas tree for fear that you may get into it too much and break stuff. But, everyone kept telling us that it's your first Christmas and we should have a tree. So we set it up. I'm glad we did, because suddenly I am FILLED with Christmas spirit. You and I sit on the couch and stare at the tree a lot. You love the lights. I do too, so I am perfectly happy to stare at it with you.

You also got your first haircut this month, which consisted of me cutting off some bangs so you would stop getting food in your hair. You wouldn't stop trying to look at the scissors, so they came out sort of crooked. We've evened them out a bit since then, but we achieved our goal so it's good enough for now I suppose.

I love you so much, I can't wait to see what you'll do next!!

Love, Mommy

She Speaks

2009-11-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

Today Abigail said what I consider to be her first word. She followed me into the bathroom and naturally while I was sitting there she had to get into whatever she could. She went for the garbage can, her favorite thing, and to prevent her I said "Do you want to get up?" to which she replied "UP!" and then stood up holding onto the tub. Once she was standing she said "UP!" again. I think it definitely counts as her first word. I say "up" to her all the time, like to get her to put her arms up so I can lift her out of the high chair or out of her crib. I also ask her if she wants up when she's standing next to the couch where I'm sitting, so all in all she probably hears the word 20 times a day. She also took a successful step yesterday, although as soon as she stabilized she fell over. I missed it of course, but I figure it doesn't count until she takes at least two steps. She really is an amazing 8 month old, she's progressing at an astounding pace. Oh, and her new favorite game is to yell "AHHHHHHHH" and have me yell at the same time. She giggles cause Mommy is SO hilarious.

My Happiness Project

2009-11-13T15:31:00.000-08:00

Inspired by The Happiness Project created by Gretchen Rubin, I've decided to make my own version. I've always thought of Fall as a time for self-reflection and this will be a great way to channel that. I would encourage all of you to join me, either by commenting on posts or by starting a thread on your own blog. The first part of my project will be self-assessment, starting with my own personal commandments for being. Second, I will create resolutions that are measurable and attainable.

Resolutions are easier, so I'm going to do those first and come back to the commandments. Those take some reflection about who I want to be, which will probably require a fair amount of thought.

Resolutions!

1. Exercise, you big dummy! You know if you don't your heart will just stop one day! Sheesh! (3 times a week, minimum)

2. Do not be overweight, be at a healthy weight. (See above)

3. When your messy house depresses you, it's always the kitchen. So rather than be overwhelmed, just clean the kitchen for instant mood improvement.

4. Give your husband the *ahem* attention he needs.

5. Take at least one photograph every day. (Or you can cheat and take 7 in a week.)

6. Read at least one work of literature a month and write a response evaluation to it.

7. Limit restaurant food to the weekend, unless it's a special occasion. Being too lazy to cook is not a special occasion.

8. Read to Abigail every day.

9. Start a craft project and ACTUALLY FINISH IT! (No specific time requirement here, as some projects take longer than others. But if it's still sitting there in one year there is a problem.)

10. Make some money. You need money. And you need a job or something to do.

Okay, now I've had time to think, here are my Commandments for Being (Happy)

1. Develop healthy habits, specifically exercise

2. Revert to your previous literary-thinker self (that degree is going to waste and you are losing brain cells by not using them!)

3. Express your creativity though whatever medium you choose

4. Pass on your love of literature to your daughter

5. Avoid boredom, it leads to bad habits

6. Understand the value of a dollar in a real way

7. Be selfless wherever and whenever possible

Well that's it for now, we'll see how it goes!

Hiding Out

2009-11-06T20:04:00.000-08:00

So we've been lucky so far and not gotten the flu. We were holding out to get our flu shots on Monday but got an email from the school (U of U employees and their families get them free) telling us the supplies didn't come through so our appointment is canceled until further notice. They say they'll be available at the end of the month or the first of December, but so many people already have it that I am concerned about getting it before we get the chance. We'll see I guess.

I sort of feel like I don't have a lot to report on at the moment, which is crazy because we DO actually do things. However, since the funeral we sort of just take it day to day. I don't talk to friends as much, or even call my mom for long conversations. I am not avoiding people, it's just that time sort of passes and the next thing I know it's the weekend and we're seeing everybody anyway. The downside of all this is time passes in such a way that when I do finally see people I can't remember what updates I've given them and which ones I haven't.

I got accepted to University of Akron. I don't really know how I feel about it yet. I said that Mercer, Akron, and Willamette were my top three choices, and now I've gotten into two out of the three and it feels sort of surreal. Plus, when I went to the law fair I had a really good talk with the recruiter from CalWestern and I'm sort of feeling more enthusiastic about going there even though it's my safety school. They will likely give me a great scholarship offer, but we'll see.

In other law school news, I got a couple of unsolicited scholarship offers from Phoenix University (not to be confused with University of Phoenix) and Florida Coastal. They aren't bad schools, but they weren't on the list of ones I was interested in (mostly due to location.) I'm just hoping I get as good of offers from the ones I did choose, but time will tell.

The baby is doing great. Her two teeth are nearly all the way up, you can actually see them now when she smiles. It is so cute, but it doesn't feel so cute when she chomps on to whatever part of me she can get to.

I started a new project, and I am really really excited about it. I went through the baby's closet and was preparing to donate an entire garbage bag full of clothes, when I found that I just couldn't do it. Some of those clothes were my absolute favorites, like the orange/blue/yellow stripey beachy outfit, and the "Lady Butt" outfit. So I hacked them all up and I am making a quilt! I think it is going to be queen or king size. I am doing the quilt top all by hand, then I think I will be borrowing a sewing machine to finish it. I've done 15 squares out of 315! YAY! It is going to take a while but I am very excited, I know it will be a great heirloom. Plus, if I do one a year, we'll never have to buy blankets again!!! I'll post pictures once I have a good portion done, but to give you an idea of the pattern I am doing, here's a graph:

The squares that are outlined are appliques I have cut out of the clothing. I'm sure the actual quilt will be different, because when you do it by hand (and with FREAKY weird random fabrics some being stretchy and some not) there are always variables. But, in general, the colors will follow the color spectrum I've laid out in the graph.

Other than that, not too much to report. See! I update people!

Dear Abigail

2009-11-03T08:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Abigail,

You are 8 months old! This past month has been chock full of changes! First, you learned how to pull yourself up! You do it in your crib, onto the couch, and the recliner. Any flat surface is now dangerous, because you can pull yourself up and snag whatever we have set there. You figured out how to pull the handle off of the recliner, and it is now one of your favorite games. One of these days you are going to smack yourself in the face with it, you get so excited swinging it around. You have decided you want to talk, and have become quite the babbler. One day it started, and for three days all we heard was BABABABABABABABA!!! Sometimes you stand up for a few seconds before catching yourself. I think you'll be walking REALLY soon, which freaks me out.

You had your first weekend at Grandma and Grandpa Argyle's house, and when we got you back you had two teeth!! We'd had no idea you were teething so it was pretty surprising to see they were already broken through. We had just started to think we'd gotten away with something, you were so giggly and happy, when The Grumpiness started. You whine and whine and cry MAMA!!! and then won't be comforted when I am holding you. It's pretty rough sometimes, when nothing is working. We try and give you cold cloths and teethers and medicine to help with the pain, but you're just miserable. You wake up crying a lot at night so your dad and I aren't getting a lot of sleep.

You had your first Halloween and went as a caterpillar which was REALLY cute. You picked your costume out yourself. We took you to the store and you giggled at the ones you liked, then we held them out to you to choose. It was sort of cheating, as the caterpillar had antennae that you wanted to chew on. Since we hadn't been getting a lot of sleep, you went home with Grandma and Grandpa that night and Aunt Jezzy came over and we watched movies and went shopping. We had debated about taking you trick or treating, but it didn't seem right since you couldn't eat the candy and we certainly didn't want to eat it. But, we dressed you up anyway and it was fun.

You have been eating a lot more grown up foods, which has been fun for us too. We've been giving you all sorts of things to taste and you certainly have your favorites. Bumbleberry Pie from Marie Calendar's was a favorite, you kept opening your mouth and asking for more. You also like chocolate pudding, but you're not interested in candy. You like carrots and mashed potatoes. You completely love cottage cheese, but you end up wearing more of it than you eat.

You're getting so big sometimes we look over at you and you're this little person, standing up! It's sort of bizarre. You keep growing and getting smarter than ever. I know that's how it is supposed to happen, but every new thing you do is like a new surprise.

I love you, Bug.

Mommy

Life is Pretty Sweet

2009-10-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

So Abby spent the weekend with her paternal grandparents for the first time this past weekend. We had a party to attend that went all night, and they had been looking forward to the opportunity. They all had a great time! Grandpa Argyle, being a doctor and therefore more likely to put a finger in your mouth... discovered that Abby had two (maybe three) teeth broken through. We had no idea she was teething. There was no drooling, no crankiness, no excessive napping, nothing! If this is what teething is like with her, bring it on! She's been so chipper!

Brian and I have been reconnecting a lot lately, finding ourselves frequently commenting on how happy we are and reflecting on the past. If we had done this differently or that differently, etc. It's interesting to think about how different our lives would be had we made some decisions differently. Things are really good, in spite of the tragedy we've been through.

As for school, I'm just sitting back waiting for information. We are leaning pretty heavily toward staying here, but we'll see what the mail brings. If I get a great opportunity I might have to take it, otherwise, we're thinking of saving for a house.

Hope everyone else is well!

It's Not Always Good News

2009-10-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

So I don't want to freak anyone out, but I have to write about what happened tonight at dinner. I gave the baby various foods to try, and finally I gave her a little piece of breading off the coconut shrimp. And she choked on it. At first, we couldn't tell she was choking. She wasn't making any sounds. She looked strange, but not panicked. I looked at her and asked her to make a sound, trying to determine if she was okay. She had spit out food and a lot of drool, so it looked like she had already expelled the food. She still wasn't making any sounds and I couldn't tell if she was breathing when she turned to Brian and put her arms out to him like "HELP ME." He unbuckled her and handed her to me. I put her to my ear and listened for breath and heard this awful (and very quiet) sound like when you are sucking on a straw and cover the end with your finger. *PTTHHHHHT*

I flipped her upside down and pounded on her back three or four times, and she finally burst out crying. She was shaking and panicky and crying really hard and big crocodile tears.

Now bear in mind this all happened in about thirty seconds, but it felt like an eternity. If we hadn't been sitting there feeding her and watching her I may not have realized she was choking. Without a cough or visual signs, if she just picked something up off the floor and I saw her from far away I would think she was just tired or grumpy. Now I realize later on, like a minute or so, she would turn purple etc. but those few seconds when I wasn't really sure if she was choking were absolutely horrible.

I am so upset. Brian says it's a good thing we know what to do when this happens, because a lot of people have no idea, but I can't shake this horrible feeling. I just held her and held her and she was laughing and playing in about a minute. I wish I could get over something like that so quickly.

Amazing

2009-10-20T15:49:00.000-07:00

I know I use the word "amazing" to describe my daughter all the time. But seriously, I don't think people use that word enough when talking about our children. We SHOULD be amazed by the little things they do as they grow. Today she thought to herself "Huh, I think I'll go play in my room!" so she crawled in there and played by herself for awhile. Then when she was done, she crawled right on back out to the living room. A few days ago she could sort of pull herself up on things (with a bit of help and some falling over.) Today, she does it like she's always been doing it. She falls down less, and she's starting to figure out how to walk around an object while holding on. She can even hold on with just one hand and manage to stay up. She is amazing. Blogger won't let me upload pics right now. LAME. So I guess you'll all have to wait!

Grief Hangover

2009-10-14T14:46:00.001-07:00

It's been a few days, and I still can't say how I feel. After the funeral and the wake, and all the champagne I drank I was pretty happy. We honored him in a way in which he approved. Sunday we had more family time, and I was reunited with the baby. We had family dinner, and on the way home I sort of felt like I had gotten away with something. I was holding it together somehow, and smiling when I thought about him. Then the bottom fell out. The next morning I couldn't handle the baby. I felt angry about everything, and I just physically could not bring myself to do the dishes. The house was a horrible mess. There was literally leftover chicken pot pie from the week before sitting on the stove. NEVER in my adult life have I left a mess like that (the smell gets to me pretty quickly, it's not like my standards are THAT high). I just couldn't clean it up. I called a friend to have her take the baby for the night. When she showed up, I couldn't reach Brian. I needed the car seat out of the car. I kept calling and calling Brian and he wouldn't answer. I drove to the gym, then to one of his labs then to the other, and didn't see my car in any of the parking lots. I went into the gym and walked around looking for him. I kept calling and calling. After two hours of calling I was really freaking out. I hadn't started out panicing, Brian is not usually the best at picking up the phone. But, he always calls me back pretty quickly. The more places I went the more panicked I got. He finally answered and it turned out he had been going to the other lab and I had just missed him. He was so apologetic when he realized what might have been going through my head. I cried and he held me, then I finally came back home. Once the baby was gone, I tried to start doing things, like showering. Didn't happen. Brian came home and he hopped in the shower with me. I sobbed a lot. We took a nap until 8pm, then we went out for Indian Food. We had a good time and I felt a lot better. Today, I was determined to get the house cleaned up. I conquered the dishes. Something I had been using to measure my grief. If I could just do the dishes, I could move on. I kept blocking myself from doing it, I think because I partly knew it wouldn't work. I got the house clean, and I feel better, but still like I got hit by a bus. Brian said we could take off for a week sometime soon, like maybe down to the condo. We need a rest, a change.

The best thing about this horrible experience is Brian and I are more connected than ever. We've been making sure to tell each other how we feel and how grateful we are.

Der Maggoch

2009-10-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

What do you say at the end of such a long and difficult week? How do you sum up someone whose life was so complicated, fascinating, enigmatic, and wonderful? My brother is dead. I keep saying it in my mind. I had a special bond with this particular in-law, at least I imagined I did. When Brian proposed, Mark emailed a huge letter to Brian telling him not to marry me. To which I replied. We argued back and forth for awhile and eventually reached some sort of understanding. I had to earn his respect and love, and I feel in the end I truly had both. Naturally we do not understand why he did it, not fully anyway. He certainly left behind enough words for us to begin to grasp it, but the truth is when you love someone so much you can never truly comprehend why they would leave you.

Maggott didn't believe in an afterlife. At least, he wasn't optimistic about it. I struggle with the fact that he chose what he thought was eternal nothingness rather than remaining here. And yet, he had tried so many things. He was in therapy. He tried dozens of different prescriptions. He journaled endlessly about his pain. He just couldn't get a handle on his depression and so finally made a decision. He was methodical and rational in the process. He wrote a note intended for his friends and family and crafted to ease their pain. He was thoughtful about how and where and when to do it to cause the least amount of pain possible. It is really hard to argue with his logic, because once again he framed his argument so carefully you find yourself struggling to come up with a rebuttal. Mark may not have known the effect his death would have. All over the world wakes are being held for him. The internet is abuzz with news and consolation. The wake we held was attended by a plethora of good friends and close family members, and we toasted until we couldn't toast anymore. Hail Maggott, a truly special and amazing man who will be missed greatly.

Vitamin A

2009-10-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

We had a tragedy this weekend, as my dear brother-in-law Mark committed suicide. It was sudden and unexpected, and we are all still reeling from it as you might expect. Tonight I plan to work on some sort of literary tribute to him, probably a poem, and as I gear myself up for it I am pondering the joy my little girl brought to him and continues to bring to our family. Mark "Maggott" Argyle was a gentle giant. He was not one you would ever expect to take Abigail in his arms when forced, let alone willingly. Yet the day she was born he was one of the first to volunteer and held her longer than any of the other siblings. Every Sunday we go to dinner at the family house, and every Sunday Mark has asked to hold the baby and done so for hours. It was a nice break for us, and he loved holding and playing with her. She loved him too, and was fascinated with him; staring up at him and touching his face. We did not know the amount of pain he was in, but I take a little solace knowing Abigail may have eased that pain at least for a while. During this difficult time she has continued to bring comfort to the family; I am so grateful we have her smiling face to gaze upon when feeling so much turmoil.

Ray of Sunshine

2009-10-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

She sits on the floor; her newly developed abdominal muscles helping her sit up straight. In her chubby little hand she holds a new-fangled pacifier. It's shaped like a raspberry, bumps and all. When she chews on it, the little bumps are supposed to help with teething. She thinks it is fabulous; I can just tell. Rather than sucking on it or chewing, she is holding it up and staring at it. She daintily rotates her wrist. The quizzical look on her little face peaks my curiosity so I sit up for a better view. A single beam of light is spilling into the living room, just above her eye level. Into this beam, she raises her little fist, earnestly clasping the pacifier. She is curious about the way the color changes when she rotates her hand. She tries to capture the light. The key to the universe appears to rest in whatever magic she sees there.

Why is it so many of us lose our sense of wonder?

Dear Abigail

2009-09-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Abigail,

Today you are seven months old. You are incredibly mobile now; it's kind of scary. When we leave a room you are quick to follow us, even if we're only running into the kitchen to grab something. Sometimes during the day when your daddy is at work you crawl into the kitchen looking for him. This is amusing to me because you get stranded and don't want to crawl your way back across the tile. Sometimes you try and move while up on your feet, which results in falling over and smashing your face. You're getting much better though, and I think your falling over days are nearly done (except for walking). Not a lot has changed in the last month in terms of development, except you are a pro at sitting up. You love baths and would splash for hours and hours if we let you. Your babbling has expanded into sentences. They make no sense, but you are very intent about whatever it is you are saying. You've been feeding yourself crackers and pieces of bananas and you're getting really good at chewing and swallowing. It will be nice to get you onto table foods, because you've gotten extremely picky about what baby foods you will eat. You and I have gotten really close, although there are definitely days when you prefer your daddy. Today is my day, which makes me happy and sad, because I went and met with some people at a company today and may be going back to work. I don't know how I will get by only getting to see you a few hours a day. It sounds completely miserable, but if I am going off to law school next year we need to put some money in the bank. I wish I could talk to Future You and ask how you handled me being away a lot during the day when you were less than a year old. I think you'll be fine, but I wonder. I want to be brave and do what's best for our family, I'm just not entirely sure what that is at the moment. Hopefully I will figure it out soon, in the meantime I love you more than ever. I just put you down for a nap after you fell asleep in my arms. It was sublime just being able to cuddle you that way. I love you so much and I am so proud of you.

Love, Mom

Just Updating

2009-09-24T22:01:00.000-07:00

Isn't this little girl the most amazing thing?!?! She is crawling so fast now, it's kind of ridiculous. My former boss and current friend and mentor Jon called me long distance, so I walked back into the bedroom so I could hear him better. She was in the bedroom before I even knew it. Considering it's the one room in the house that isn't baby proof yet, I immediately looked around for potential "baby killers" as my mom calls them. She went straight for the fan, which is huge and heavy and has a cord. All sorts of danger!!! I finally got tired of waiting for the landlord to come update our outlets (they are all 2 prong instead of 3) so we could hide cables behind our television, so I just did it myself. It was kind of fun.

She is also trying to pull herself up on things, tonight it was the refrigerator. IT HAS SHELVES! We went to Costco and spent way too much money and it was taking forever to get everything put away, so of course she crawled into the kitchen and tried to climb in the fridge. I tried to distract her with a measuring cup and a wooden spoon, but nothing can beat the fridge for climbey-funness!

I am pretty happy with my progress today, I got things cleaned up and made a new cleaning schedule (SO exciting, I know.) I made menus for the next 15 days and got all the groceries for it. We also got diapers and formula to last for a month. I have never spent so much money for groceries on one day, it was kind of ridiculous. Thankfully we got a check from a friend to whom we'd lent some money so that covered us. I'm actually kind of excited to be cooking every night, how weird is that?

I started reading the new Dan Brown book, and so far I'm not really that impressed. We'll see if I can get into it more, but I'm not going to give it much more time (cause I have OH SO MUCH time to spare.)

I was having a rough week with the whole law school thing, questioning my decision, but after chatting with Jon I feel a lot better. He knows a lot more than I do about the possibilities out there in the working world so he was very helpful. I got an email from University of Akron letting me know that I should have a decision within a month from the time they get my packet. So I'm thinking 6 weeks max and I will know!

I guess we'll see!

About Dooce.com

2009-09-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

I often lament the fact that very few people comment on my blog (or even read it.) This is followed by similar lamentation that I don't have anything interesting to say or that I don't write well enough for people to be bothered. I resolve to come up with something poetic or life-changing to write in the future. Then today my favorite blogger added a new page to her site dedicated solely to hate mail. She has put all of her hate mail on this page along with tons of ads, so that when dillholes email her she can hopefully make a buck or two. I was tempted to buy some of the stuff just to make a contribution. Then I read some of the ads. OMG. I can't believe the horrible SO not Christ-like (teehee) things people say to her. It's disgusting. I hope I never become famous enough for the horrible venom people are capable of spouting off.

Weekend at Nana's

2009-09-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

The baby went off to my mom's for the weekend, my intention being to get some rest and spend some quality time with Brian. Then Friday night at dinner I got a horrible onset of sinus pain and runny nose. Apparently I have been harboring a sinus infection. I was about to start antibiotics for something else anyway, so I am hoping they will do double duty. I started taking them yesterday and I'm feeling better already. As it's a long weekend they are keeping her until Monday, so hopefully I can salvage some of my weekend tonight. She started sitting up by herself at her grandparents' house, and they sent on a pic for me. Boy do I miss her!!!

Slipping Through My Fingers

2009-08-31T21:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight we went for a drive to get a drink and snack at Sonic, a guilty pleasure I occasionally indulge in (I love its strawberry limeade.) We stopped off at Liberty Park to have our snacks and let the baby mellow out before bed. She liked staring at the various passersby (and their dogs) and the birds. On the drive home she crashed pretty hard, enough so that I managed to get her into the house and into her bed without fully waking up. I was concerned about changing her diaper and giving her Zantac but had a sneaking suspicion she would wake up and want food before bed, which turned out to be the case. Of course, after a meal and all of the bedtime prep she was in no mood to go to sleep. So we had a bit of playtime until 9, when I decided she absolutely had to go to bed. All of this is going somewhere, I promise.

So Brian took her to bed and she completely freaked out before he even got to her doorway; she knew where they were headed. After letting her cry for a few minutes I decided to go in and try and get her to sleep. I felt like I needed to hold her. So we had a bit of dancing and singing. I have a few songs I have become accustomed to singing (in the rare case that she'll hold still and pay attention enough to let me.) One song's lyrics feel particularly poignant right now, as I sit preparing my law school applications to be sent out this week. I guess it's just nice to have some perspective, but as I held my daughter and swayed to the song she drifted off becoming heavier and heavier with each lyric and I felt like this is exactly where I need to be right now.

"So this is love, mmmmm hmmmm mmmmm, so this is love,
So this is what makes life worthwhile,
I'm all aglow, and now I know,
The key to all heaven is mine.

My heart has wings, mmmmm hmmmm mmmmm, and I can fly,
I'll touch every star in the sky,
So this is the miracle,
That I've been dreaming of,

So this, is, Love."

She loves when I sing this song, along with For Good from "Wicked" (which I still can't get through all the way without choking up, as it's me and my mom's song.) She giggles when I sing the high notes on They Say It's Wonderful (Annie Get Your Gun.) She has never fallen asleep to my singing. This felt very special. I kept singing long after I knew she was asleep.

Hoarders

2009-08-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

A&E has a new show called Hoarders, which shows the story of two people per episode and their fight to try and give up the hoarding lifestyle. I am totally addicted to it. I am fascinated by their addiction and can relate to it. When I was younger, my ex-husband and I had some pretty severe spending addictions. It was much more about overspending than acquiring actual, tangible items, but the addictive tendencies are the same. I feel for these people and it's heartbreaking to watch their stories. When I left my ex, I left behind probably 80% of my stuff. It was extremely liberating, giving up all that stuff I had previously thought to be so important. I moved into a tiny student housing apartment, and I was unwilling to store things at family members' houses. Walking away from all of that was one of the best things I could have ever done. Brian and I are both generally pretty minimalist. My latest overspending tendency is stuff I buy for the baby, which I am attempting to combat by selling off things she outgrows. So far so good, and I manage to keep her room pretty clean, but our living room looks like a nursery exploded in it. We put all her toys away, and then drag them all back out. It seems like a waste of energy so we end up leaving it all out all the time. It drives me insane. So I think I can say I am reformed, and I am grateful I had such a dramatic change in my life years ago to prompt me to abandon those old habits.

Six Months

2009-08-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's already been six months. It's amazing. And, I made my goal of breastfeeding for six months, something I really didn't think would happen. As I sit typing this, my bra is full of cabbage leaves. I think I'm through the worst of it, last night having been pretty miserable. I am very excited to be done. I can't wait for her first overnight with one of her grandmas so I can get some sleep!!

Anyway, today is a pretty good day. Her half-birthday, I get to hang out with Sarah tonight, my new laptop is coming, and I may have actually gotten my other computer fixed (stupid video card!). Plus, my milk may be dried up within a day or two. YAY!

As it's been six months, here is her newest letter.

Dear Abigail,

I can't believe it's been six months. I know that sounds so cliche to say, but it's true. You are SO big. It feels like every time I pick you up you get a little heavier. You are so smart and learning a ridiculous amount of things each day. You're an odd one, though. Apparently normally babies learn to sit up before they crawl. You've chosen to do it the other way. Sometimes when you are playing on your tummy you will roll yourself over into nearly a sitting position. You get about 90% of the way there and decide that's quite enough thank you very much. We had been giving you solid foods (cereal, peas, green beans, squash, applesauce) but you suddenly decided it's more fun to just spit everything out. This week you will have your six month appointment. I am nervous for you to get shots again, but mostly I am just nervous for your assessment. I hope you will get a passing grade. I worry that with your recent rejection of solid foods your weight may not be what it should be. But, you've been having formula which should have put some meat on your bones.

Your personality is phenomenal. You are (unless tired or hungry) generally very easy going. You're quick to smile and giggle. You love games like the "Pop Pop" game, which is where Daddy takes your little fists and punches himself in the nose with them. You think it is hilarious. You also love being hung upside down. One of your favorite games with Mommy is when I pretend to eat your belly. I nibble on your ribs where you are very ticklish and you squeal with delight. It is so dang cute!

We've had a big change this week. It looks like I will be going to school instead of Daddy. It's a big switch and I wonder how you are going to handle it all. It is going to be really hard to leave you each day, I don't know how your daddy does it. I know it's only been six months, but I really feel like we've accomplished something so far. You have a long way to go, but we've kept you alive this far and that is pretty awesome.

I love you, Mom

I JUST Met Dooce.com

2009-08-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

Wow. I mean, wow. I just popped over to the grocery store to pick up Abby's Zantac and sitting there patiently clicking away on her Smartphone was THE Heather Armstrong. I only check three websites every single day, and one of them is hers; Dooce.com. Many of you have heard me quote her blog or gush about how funny it is. My pregnancy went 1000 times easier because I had her words to ring in my head. She's an amazing and inspirational writer, though she would probably not admit it if I made such an accusation to her directly. She was so nice and approachable and an hour later my heart is still racing a little bit. When I walked up to the pharmacy window I caught a glance of her in the corner of my eye and thought to myself "Is that..." and of course it was. I had the dilemma in my head about whether or not to approach her in the grocery store. Would that be too weird? Would I seem like a stalker? But she THANKED ME for saying hello. She said people will see her and not say hello and then it's all awkward because she knows they've recognized her and they're just talking... LOL.

So I said hello and told her how gorgeous her new baby is (OMG SO TRUE) and she was extremely nice and polite and asked about my baby and where I live. Apparently she lives close to my neighborhood. That is SO cool.

Anyway, this would be like a NASCAR fan bumping into Jeff Gordon at the Auto Zone, so you can see how elated I am.

Oh I Just Love Her So Much

2009-08-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

New pictures taken at Grandma's house. Also, we've decided my mom will be "Nana" from now on. Easier for baby to say. I think she's just trying to get Abby to say HER name first, before Brian's mom, who wants to be called Grandma Beaney (Beaney is a childhood nickname for her.) That is much harder for a baby to say. Hmm maybe that's where Abby gets her evil genius.

Also, I've narrowed down my list of schools to these few. The ones with stars are the ones I am particularly interested in.

University of Akron (Akron, OH) *
California Western (San Diego, CA)
Gonzaga University (Spokane, WA)
Mercer University (Macon, GA) *
University of Montana (Missoula, MT)
Willamette University (Salem, OR) *
University of Wyoming (Laramie, WY)

This is subject to change, as I sent out an updated transcript today. They were missing 12 credits (all A's) so that should boost my average a little. If it does, there may be a few more schools added and some taken away. It was really weird going back to UVU today. It is the first week of school and it was pretty chaotic. The lady at the registrar's office was so helpful and nice. She didn't have to help me but didn't want to make me go stand in the long line (which is also registration) so she took pity and helped me out. It was swell. I had forgotten how much the Hall of Flags smelled like sweat. Also, I got checked out while walking down the Hall of Flags; it reminded me of old times. I didn't see a single person I knew, which made me sad. I worked there for two years with some awesome people, and now everyone is all different. Sad! I guess I really have moved on.

Wow. I Mean Wow.

2009-08-25T12:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Optometry School People,

Thank you for finally establishing a centralized system for prospective optometry students. The previous process was very difficult, as one would have to submit letters of recommendation to one's undergraduate school and then pray the counselors there would be thorough and competent enough to submit them to the individual schools. Then one would have to pray the receiving schools would be competent enough to not lose said letters. Once that was done, one would have to submit an application to each school, whilst praying one would meet the pre-requisites for each school (as they would differ from place to place.) Once that was completed, the schools would respond in their own time if at all. Oh, and one would have to calculate one's OWN adjusted GPA by doing all the math oneself rather than just submit a transcript and have it be calculated by the system.

So now there is a much more efficient, consistent method for potential optometry students to submit their files.

Oh, there are new rules too? You mean letters of recommendation can't be more than 2 years old? What about test scores? It takes MONTHS to study for that test! There is no way one could possible study and retake it in time to apply for next year! CRAP!

Love, Us

So, long story short, I am going to law school next year and Brian will be staying home. Stupid new optometry stuff. It just gets more difficult every year you delay reapplying so he's throwing in the towel.

Now I am panicking. I have narrowed the list of schools down to about 9 or so, and I'll start submitting apps in September/October. Yikes.

Finally Writing a Book

2009-08-23T11:40:00.000-07:00

Okay so I've been itching to do some writing and now that I have a new fancy laptop coming I must get going! I spoke with Brian last night about which of the two books I had started sounds more interesting, and his opinion is the children's book. Well, it's for the 8-10 age group. It is tentatively titled "Pennsylvania Hannigan Saves the World...On Accident." I don't actually have the world-saving part figured out yet, but I have some characters quasi-developed and a bit of the first chapter. I've been telling it to Abigail as a bedtime story to try and work it out until my computer arrives. The first line is "Pennsylvania Hannigan didn't mean to save the world, it just sort of happened one day between day camp and dinner."

What do you think? Can the world handle another series of children's books? Also why the hell does Blogger hate that I typed "children's" why can't I show possession Blogger? WHY!?!?!

Dear Abigail (The Missing Months)

2009-08-21T12:17:00.000-07:00

I have not had time to type these up. I can't wait for my new (PINK!) laptop to show up, it will make working on things so much easier. So, now that the baby will be turning 6 months in the next week, here are months 3, 4, and 5.

May 28th 2009

Dear Abigail,

Today you are 3 months old. Your life has already been quite an adventure! This month we moved out of our apartment. Only 3 months old and you've already left your first home! We liked the place in a lot of ways, but it was very expensive and didn't really meet our needs anymore. I cannot begin to tell you how difficult it was buying groceries and then having to haul them (and you!) up the stairs or into the elevator and all the way down the hall to our apartment. An apartment just isn't practical when you have babies! So we have begun a search for the perfect place on a pretty tight budget (since I am no longer working). In the meantime, we are staying with Grandma and Grandpa Argyle. I know your Grandma is very excited to get to see you every day and your other Grandma is pretty jealous about it. Daddy is excited about getting to see his family so often and I am excited about being back in Utah County, where most of our friends and family live. It's now summertime and you are getting to experience all sorts of new things. I took you outside the other day and let you put your feet in the grass. You loved it! You love being outside and seeing all the interesting things. Everyone says you seem so much more curious and engaged than other babies your age. Your aunts and uncles are all completely crazy about you. At Sunday dinner they often ask if they can hold you, particularly Uncle Mark and Uncle Tony. You love them and have so much fun playing with them. Now that we have your reflux under control with some medicine things are getting better. You have started sleeping in your own bed instead of in bed with me, but it is really hard on me even though you are super close to me (only a few inches away!). We tried putting you in the Jumparoo the other day. You have no idea how to jump in it, but you love that it holds you upright without someone holding you. You tend to lose your balance and end up getting spun around a lot, but you seem to think that is hilarious. You are also starting to laugh, which is completely amazing! I love you very much and have been enjoying all of our cuddle time. It makes me a little sad because I know in just a few short weeks you will start sleeping less which means more play time (a good thing) but less time cuddling with Mom. You are already such a wonderful little person.

I love you, Mom

June 28th 2009

Dear Abigail,

Wow, you are 4 months old! It's amazing (I know, I use that word a lot!) how much you have changed in such a short time! A couple weeks ago you rolled over for the first time. It was such an amazing moment! We were at my friend Jen's birthday party and everyone was sitting in this big circle. I laid you down on your back to play (something you only recently started to enjoy, particularly because you can grab your feet.) Suddenly (and miraculously while everyone BUT your dad was watching) you just rolled all the way over! Everyone was clapping and cheering, it was pretty awesome. I'm so proud of how fast you are growing but of course I can't believe you used to be so tiny and I miss it.

A couple days ago we found our new home. We're going to be renting a house close to Daddy's work and I expect you will really love it. There is a lot of space for you and a nice yard. I am planning on spending a lot of time out there, because you just love being outside so much! You always look around in awe at everything and it's a surefire way to make you happy if you are being a grouch. It is in this wonderful neighborhood with all of these gorgeous yards. There are so many trees and flowers. I plan on taking you for a lot of walks around the area. It will be our special thing. You are getting so big! You had your four month checkup and we couldn't believe how much weight you have gained (although you have chunky legs your weight is pretty average.) You also got your second dose of shots, which made me really sad. You didn't react as well as last time. You cried a lot at first, but sniffled for quite a while and fell asleep after a while. Just like last time, you've slept most of the day away. I feel so bad for you and the little red marks on your legs.

As always, everyone is completely nuts about you. Your Grandma and Grandpa Argyle will be leaving for Saint George for the summer soon, and I know it will be hard on them not getting to see you. Not having to go down on Sundays will be difficult because I won't want to leave the house to go visit Grandma and Grandpa Perry. They live so far away but they miss you like crazy when they don't get to see you. Your Aunts and Uncles still go crazy when they see you, and it makes me really happy that they love you so much!

We all love you, Mom

July 28th 2009

Dear Abigail,

Boy what a month! You have had so many firsts! We moved into our new house, so that was stressful and super awesome. You already love the place. The day we moved in your Grandma Argyle took you outside on a blanket and sat with you under a tree. You were so happy playing on your tummy and watching the cars and people go by. You got to try so many new things this month. You went to your first 4th of July parade, and you were really good! We almost made it through the whole thing when you started to get tired and grumpy. So we headed down to Grandma and Grandpa Perry's to relax and have a little nap. It was a great day! You also tried your first taste of cereal, which went pretty well but was really really messy. You slept in a crib for the first time, and then a couple weeks later got a newer, bigger crib. You got your hair done for the first time in pigtails and in a big ponytail on top. We have lots of pictures of those days, it was so much fun!

You also went on your first road trip! We went down to St. George to visit your Grandma and Grandpa Argyle and Alex and Jessica. Grandpa Argyle ended up not being there which was sad, but you got to catch up with him later on at home. It was really really hot down there but we made it work by going swimming! That's right you went swimming for the first time! You seemed to really like it but you were scared at first. While we were down there you got to try peas. You really liked them but were very confused on your first bite. After we came back you tried green beans, and those did not go over as well. It has been so much! We need a serious break!

In other news, you are getting seriously close to crawling, which is ridiculously early for your age. I guess we'll see!

I love you, Mom

I Swear I Don't Beat Her

2009-08-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

This is the result of two days of nonstop crawling.

Also, this is my new favorite picture. Yes Mom, this is your August picture. It's at the photo developers as I type this.

In other news, I am still sick. The doctor's office says my thyroid is normal. They think maybe I have a stomach bug or a UTI. I think a stomach bug is unlikely given how long it's been going on, but whatever. They said to give it the weekend and if it doesn't go away by Monday to come in again. Lamesauce.

My New Book

2009-08-18T20:17:00.001-07:00

While walking by the ridiculously posh baby boutique near my house, I saw a book in the window that caught my eye. It had a big pink-frosted cupcake on the cover with those round sprinkles (what are those called?) and bore the title "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids." This brought to mind all the little things I said I would never do, and all the judgments I passed on other moms before I myself was a mom. Never anything too serious, I never labeled anyone a "bad mom" in my head or anything, but both Brian and I caught ourselves saying "My kid will never do that." We laughed though, because we knew we could say that all we wanted but eventually we would be doing the exact same things. I logged on to Barnes and Noble's website and tracked down the book, only to find they've written several follow-up books. I had to order this one: "I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper: Loving Your Marriage After the Baby Carriage." Brian and I have certainly had our share of trying moments in the last few weeks with me being sick and the baby being a baby and all, so I ordered that one too. The Gingerbread Man on the cover helped persuade me. I've just started the first book and this paragraph seemed so true I just had to post it.

Motherhood is a great joy and also a great burden. It does not leave us consistently happy or completely fulfilled. Furthermore, we're tired of the notion that motherhood should make us happy, and we're tried of trying to live up to the idea that "good moms are happy moms." Because if we've agreed that the only way to be a "good" mother is to be having the best experience of our lives, how can we possibly have an honest conversation about what it's like to raise kids? One mother really summed it up best when she said, "I love being a mom; I just hate doing it."

We all have our expectations and ideals for our own lives, and rarely do we realize any of them. I'm only 6 months into this motherhood thing and I want to get a reality check now, while I still have all my hair. Well, most of it anyway.

Credit Card Companies UGH!

2009-08-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

So I have had some of my credit cards since The Horrible Time about 5 years ago. I therefore have a 5 year perfect payment record, low balances, and I use my cards regularly to keep them active. My credit score is really good at this point. And yet I still have RIDICULOUS APR's on my accounts. The interwebs standards like MSN Money etc. make suggestions like calling the companies to get lower rates. It's generic advice like "talk to a supervisor" and "remind them you've been a good customer." They also recommend threatening to cancel or transfer a balance, or telling them you're about to make a big purchase, or telling them you're getting offers with lower rates. A little friendly advice: this recession has caused this to NOT WORK AT ALL. Credit card companies desperately need every last penny they can squeeze out of you, and with access to your credit report they can tell if you need to keep the account open to maintain your credit history and score. So, you're pretty much screwed. I don't really have any credit balances at this point, so I guess if I decide I need to buy something big I will just pay cash. This seems so lame to me, you'd think they would want to get SOMETHING out of me instead of nothing when I pay with a debit card instead, but whatever. Orchard Bank, Capitol One, YOU SUCK!

She Hates Applesauce

2009-08-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently it's too tart. I felt bad laughing at her so much...

Sugarless

2009-08-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

There are two important things you need to know before I tell this story. First, for our housewarming party I needed Miracle Whip for a pasta salad, and texted Brian VERY specifically "Hey, can you pick up a jar of Miracle Whip for me? A jar, not a bottle, and not a huge one but not a tiny one."

What did he bring home? A tub of Cool Whip. When I asked what the Cool Whip was for he looked at me blankly, then a lightbulb exploded over his head sending shards of glass and filament flying everywhere, causing him to frantically pull out his cell phone to see exactly what I had texted him. "Whoops" was all he could say. I said "No biggie, I love Cool Whip."

The second thing you need to know is a few weeks ago Brian and I decided it was time to take a little break from soda. I decided on my own (well actually my flabby post-pregnancy belly voted in as well) to add a few more things to the taboo list. All in all it was no soda, deep-fried foods, and refined sugar in general. This didn't mean I was going to cut out cold cereal, because let's be honest if I did that I would lose 1/3 of my calories, but sweets were out. I think I survived one day before Brian walked into the kitchen at 11 at night to see me standing in front of the refrigerator. My poor husband. He was unaware of my predilection for eating Cool Whip right out of the tub and caught me rubbing it on my gums like a cocaine addict.

The things you learn about your partner. The end of the story is we had like 6 cases of soda left after the party and we just felt like it wasn't going to fulfill its Christmas Destiny if we didn't drink it....

So as soon as this latest batch of soda is gone (because we had another party and what could I DO?!?) I swear I am going to do it!

Ick.

2009-08-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

Not the picture, she's SO the opposite of ICKY! SHE IS SO CUTE!

So for a couple weeks I have had a lot of fatigue and just general ickiness. This weekend it turned into a full on YUCK. Nausea, fatigue, headache, backache, slight depression. Which was a bummer because we had plans for Jen and Clint and Shaun to come over. We had a great time, but I paid for it all night. It was all I could do to not hurl, but I managed to survive. Then it occurred to me I could be pregnant, which I totally can't be, because the odds would be ridiculous. But I took a test anyway just to be sure. That was a fun 10 seconds. Negative of course, so now at least I don't have to worry about it. I've been on Depo since the baby was born, so it's not like there was any real risk, but I sure have felt crappy for a while. I think it's the lack of sleep finally catching up on me plus some sort of bug. Brian has been great about watching the baby for an hour or two in the morning before work so I can sleep, and it's helped a lot. We're working on developing some kind of routine but things are going to get busy at his lab soon so it will all have to change. We've been giving the baby more formula, which has given me a nice break. I had intended to completely wean her off of breastmilk but I am not 100% on it yet. I think we'll just use formula when we need to go out for an extended block of time but keep her primarily on breastmilk. I dunno. I have completely gotten out of the routine of feeding her solids at lunch and dinner. We've been in and out of the house so often lately and she was getting fussy about eating anyway, so we'll try again next week or so. We pushed her bedtime back to 9 and that has been making things a lot easier. She goes down easier and sleeps later than 5am, which is super nice. However, she still gets up at 1, 4/5, and 8 am. Ick. WHEN WILL SHE SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!?!?!

I think maybe she's mine...

2009-08-08T11:23:00.000-07:00

Updates I Guess

2009-08-07T13:55:00.000-07:00

Abby is ornery. Seriously ornery. I am so tired of the screaming! ACK! Yesterday was this lovely leprechaun and rainbow-filled perfection, with her behaving and being happy and lots of playing and napping on time. Today, ARGH! I finally gave up and took her to the one place that I know will quiet her down (to TOTAL SILENCE): outside. I threw a blanket down on the front lawn, grabbed a snack, and took her out for a little playtime. She loves to stare at the cars driving by and is in total awe, which is nice for me. We did some airplanes and other games, and stared at cars. And at one point she crawled from one end of the blanket to the other to get to the toy in my hand. That's right, SHE IS CRAWLING! It's insane, at five months. Then today, she crawled across the living room and immediately went for the Wii cable, which she then began to chew on. I screamed NO! and clapped my hands, trying to get her attention and get her to stop on my way across the room; she didn't even flinch. I have a feeling discipline will be tricky with this one. Here's a pic of her in mid-tantrum, I somehow managed to get her to smile in between screams. I AM JUST THAT GOOD!

She also tried bananas for the first time. Here are her initial reaction and subsequent swallowing reaction.

Things are getting into a routine which is good. We tried giving her formula the other day and she did fine with it, so we have that option when we need to escape. I would like to wean her altogether, but my gut tells me I should wait the recommended year. I dunno, I'll have to think about it. Knowing I can leave her home with Brian is nice. Or that we can take her to Grandma and Grandpa's house and go out for dinner and a movie and not have to rush back to feed her. AH FREEDOM! Speaking of which, tonight Amy and I are going to a fancy French restaurant and then out to see Julie and Julia! I am so excited. I even got a nice dress for the occasion. It should be super fun! I will have to post a picture or something, because I feel FABULOUS in this dress.

In other news, Brian and I picked up the new fitness game for the Wii, EA's Active

I absolutely LOVE it. It has all these fun activities to keep you entertained while you are working out. Seeing your avatar on the screen and getting feedback from your personal trainer really keeps you motivated. Plus for the first two days I was so sore I could barely sit down or go up and down stairs, so I know it's working! Even Brian, who works out fairly regularly, is feeling it. The workouts are relatively short, only 15-20 minutes but they work you all over. There is so much variety it is AWESOME. Every day I wonder if I will be doing tennis, inline skating (with JUMP RAMPS!), or some equally fun and difficult task. It's good times! I have already lost a bit of weight. YAY!

Anyway, that's the end of it I guess!

Lots of Firsts

2009-07-30T11:56:00.000-07:00

Abby went swimming for the first time, and had peas and green beans for the first time. The peas went off without a hitch, although she made a surprised face when we gave her the first bite. The green beans, NOT SO MUCH. This is what she looked like when she tried those for the first time.

Her sleep schedule is totally screwed up which is a bummer, but hopefully a day or two of being home will take care of that. Also, my friend Desi gave me her old crib (it's a convertible like I wanted) so Abby has another new bed and I am going to sell off the other one. She also gave me the cutest bedding. Here's what it looks like:

This is what love looks like.

2009-07-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

Today we leave for St. George to visit the in-laws. They haven't seen the baby in the weeks since they've been there so it will be nice for them, and hopefully a bit of a break for us. I am in desperate need of sleep. Abigail has been eating a lot during the night (who says rice cereal helps them sleep through the night?!?) so I haven't gotten much sleep. Anyway, the title of my post:

Now that we've settled into a routine it's easier to reflect on how much I love my little family. But, now the baby is up from her nap and I don't have time to talk about it. Suffice it to say, life is pretty damn amazing.

Hair Hangover

2009-07-21T09:35:00.001-07:00

Here is the after-effect of our wondrous do:

And now we're off to take a walk!

Baby Hair-do Attempts

2009-07-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

So I suck at kid hair in general, but it's especially tough when you don't have the right tools. All I have are these little snappy barrettes. So I did the best I could. Also, baby ate cereal at lunch today, a whole little bowl full!

First Cereal and New Bed!

2009-07-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

I've been having anxiety over getting Abby a crib, because she was about to cross the weight limit for the bassinet in her Pack N Play and I didn't want to put her in the bottom of it and have to be bending over all the time. The one I wanted was sold out between the time I picked it out and all the accessories we'd need and getting Brian's go-ahead to order it. I was so bummed. This was the second time this had happened and I just couldn't bring myself to buy a more expensive one. I kept scouring craigslist and KSL to try and find something local, and ended up finding this one for 75 bucks delivered.

The downside is it's considered a non-standard (portable) crib size, and even the "portacrib" mattress and sheets I went and bought didn't fit. Apparently this particular model has a flaw in its dimensions, so everyone has this problem. However, since I am crafty and this "mattress" is nothing more than a slab of foam rubber with a waterproof cover, I opened it up, cut it to fit, and closed it up again. DONE! Much better than the 200-300 we would have paid. We'll have to replace it when she gets to 40 pounds, assuming we bother to get another crib or a toddler bed.

In other, much more exciting news, Abby had her first taste of cereal. We captured it on video so you could all see:

Good Stuff at Deseret Industries

2009-07-08T13:36:00.001-07:00

So I went to DI looking for a floor lamp. We have no light fixture in our living room (I HATE THAT) and we had one floor lamp, but it didn't quite do the job cause it's a big room. So I found this one:

I also found these SUPER cute end tables for 10 bucks! We needed something to put our DVD player and cable box on, since at our last place we had built-in shelves for that. But I really didn't want anything big or expensive, so this was awesome! We were also debating a coffee table, so now we have an end table for both the couch and the recliner. No more spilled drinks FTW!

Happy Independence Day!

2009-07-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

Abigail got to experience her very first 4th of July parade. She did pretty well, making it through almost the whole thing before having a meltdown. We got rained on, and that was pretty damn awesome because it was really really hot. The 4th is an important day in my family. In my whole life I have only missed the parade about 3 times. It's pretty much our biggest holiday other than Christmas. We always go to the parade, then watch Independence Day and The Patriot. When Brian and I first got together, our first date was to go to my parents' place on the 4th for a barbecue and games and then we went to fireworks. It rained that night too. I can't believe it's only been three years. I sort of feel like I have had this amazing little family my whole life. I am so lucky, and that's what the 4th brings out in me. We are really really lucky to have the lives we have in this country. With all the horrible crap that has happened in the last few years it's easy to be cynical about our country, our government, and our lame economy, but at the end of the day there is no other place I would rather be. Unless for some reason I were a gajillionaire and could live on my own yacht and just travel constantly. That'd be sweet. But since that won't happen, I will stick to my usual cautious patriotism.

The New Place

2009-07-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are pictures. Sorry it's a mess!

Moving (AGAIN)

2009-06-26T15:20:00.000-07:00

I am super excited about this. We said we wouldn't move unless we found a place in our price range with all of the following (not easy to come by in SLC):

2 bedrooms
Off-street parking
Parking for guests and no anal retentive parking enforcement
Washer and dryer included
Close to Brian's work
Big living room
Not-tiny kitchen
A FRICKIN LINEN CLOSET
Big enough closets in the bedrooms (Brian is a clothes-whore)
Storage
A bathroom that actually has places to dump all your crap. You know, DRAWERS?

Out of all of these, the storage one is probably the toughest. Houses just don't come with closets anymore, like coat closets and linen closets. What is that about? Where do people put their shit? GAH! Apartments definitely do not come with this. Park Crapitol did, but it cost us 1200 a month just to have a damn coat closet. UNCOOL.

Anyway, I am SUPER excited. We totally found a place that is all of this and more. What, you ask? I WILL TELL YOU. First off, it's a house. Not an apartment. It is in a keen part of town known as Foothill, due to its proximity to Foothill Drive. Like, WHERE BRIAN WORKS. The nice thing about this part of town is that all the houses are well-kept. Nice yards. Tons of trees. Flowers. Birds chirping. Much better than the soul-sucking downtown area we could have been living in. It's also close to stuff. Like my bank. A grocery store in walking distance. A TGIFriday's. The zoo. Are you excited yet?

But, the best thing that it comes with is my very own Steve DeBirk. I plan to use my Steve DeBirk for many things, such as entertaining at parties. Extravagant Laker-hating parties, bbq's, drinking parties, anything I can think of! And it's all included! (Basically, he needed a place to live too, and our place happens to have a 1 bedroom apartment in the basement. So he'll be renting that and we'll rent the upstairs part. I am so damn excited, I <3 that guy.

So what else.... big livingroom, CHECK! It's big enough that we can put the computer out there and it won't be weird or in the way at all. The kitchen is this cute vintage thing with yellow paint. The bathroom is also cute and vintage. It has this pink-sauce colored tile. I'm sort of vague on the details, I will get pictures. It has an adorable front yard with nice trees and grass, neither of which do we have to maintain. The back has a HUGE parking area with two carports (two spots each) for us and then extra spots we can use as a patio or for extra parking when we have parties. I plan to buy a grill. Don't tell Brian.

We are already planning on sharing the interwebs bill, so that will save money. I cannot wait to get all unpacked and take pictures for all of you to see! I know Abby will love this place. She will have her own room. We are even working on a deal to get another queen bed to put in there, so we can have people stay over when they visit! WOOT.

Okay, too much excitement, I need to lie down. *hugs*

Seriously, OMG

2009-06-16T21:31:00.001-07:00

How cute is this!?!

(First photo taken by Sarah Wootton, second photo taken by my mom.)

Already a Big Girl!

2009-06-07T10:48:00.000-07:00

The other night Abby rolled over for the first time with no help. She hadn't really been trying at all, so it shocked the hell out of me when she suddenly rolled over in front of everyone at Jen's birthday party. People cheered and clapped, and she loved the attention!

I needed a picture for the June Abby Calendar, so I put her in this cute outfit. The hat is WAY too big for her, but it's still cute. I think she has a sort of Ma Kettle thing going though....

About an hour later she destroyed this outfit in a violent pooping incident. We'll see if I can save it.

Also, she has a new nick name kinda. If you watch Metalocalypse you will get the reference. I call her Abby Slobberface Slobberface Slobberface!

That's pretty much all the news I have at the moment. Brian goes to work. I stay home. The baby sleeps, eats, and plays. Pretty routine at the moment, despite the fifty million birthday, graduation and just-for-the-hell-of-it parties we've been to in the last few weeks. This week I am going to take it easy on the social engagements I think. I am a Grumpy Gus just like the baby when she gets no sleep!

Moving

2009-05-28T21:50:00.000-07:00

Goodbye Park Crapitol apartments! I bid you a non-fond farewell. Alayna and I got all the stuff cleared out today. Well, the extremely well paid moving guys did, but we supervised! I am so glad to be out of there. Tomorrow we'll clean and be done with it all. I am not going to miss the place. I am going to miss having somewhere in Salt Lake to use as a home base though. I feel sort of displaced. When I need the car for a doctor's appointment or something I will have to take Brian to work and then find somewhere for Abby and I to go all day. Ugh. Or drive all the way down here and then back up to get Brian. Neither option is appealing. But it's only temporary. We probably won't start seriously looking for a new place for a while, just racking up the 1100 a month we aren't spending on an apartment that offered a ton of amenities and then put them all under construction. No more annoying loud girls across the hall. No more stupid yappy dog next door. No more fat guy upstairs doing what sounds like moving furniture at all hours. No more 3 am trash chute dumps loud enough to wake us all up. We got a good deal on the storage unit and the one we picked turned out to be the perfect size.

As far as the new place goes, I really really don't want to move into another apartment complex. We may try and find a small house to rent, or maybe a townhouse or something. I just don't want people above, below, and on either side of us. And no stairs to get into the place. And PARKING for guests. Am I asking too much? We'll see I guess. We certainly have the time and resources to find the perfect place, so I am not going to let it bug me too much. It should be fun!

Mommy-dentity

2009-05-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine is going through a rough time at the moment, owing to several things. Her kids are going through a phase and with the other things going on she feels like she can't handle them. She is a great mom so I know she can deal with their behavior, (which makes me crazy too) but she feels so defeated and depressed at times that it sucks away all of her confidence. Which, of course, is like blood in the water for her kids. They can smell it and just pounce on her. This makes for one frustrated and sad lady, and she doesn't deserve it. No one does. She feels lost. She aches to go back to work or do something outside of the house. She wants a hobby. She feels like her neighbors/friends won't commit and stick to anything she sets up for them. She doesn't know who she is other than being a mom, and since being a mom sucks for her right now what does that leave her with?

She told me all of this, feeling ashamed and constantly apologizing. I had to tell her something I have always known, particularly as my little sister continues to screw up her life just like she always has: You always love your kids, but sometimes you don't like them. And that IS okay.

Abigail has been a royal pain the last few days, owing to being miserable from reflux and some other unknown ailment. She's gained some weight so her meds aren't cutting it. We're in the days of higher dosage, just waiting for it to kick in. I am not ashamed to say that while I absolutely love her and I know it is not her fault, sometimes I don't like her very much. Now this is slightly different than a more-developed five year old. They have a personality, which is something that makes more sense to dislike, but why is it that as moms we feel like we aren't allowed to dislike our kids? It's almost always fleeting and we still love them. Why does unconditional love have to equate to unconditional like? Society says so apparently, but there is this secret underground society of moms out there who know how it really is. These are people who secretly confess that yes, they might let their babies sleep on their tummies, they occasionally diagnose and treat illness without a doctor's consent, they decide what is best and SHOCKINGLY do not always take the advice of their mother-in-law or whichever friend thinks they know better how to raise their child. Yes, these women really are out there, and they are pretty much every mom.

As women we are constantly being judged by one another, a guilty truth most participate in. When you become a mom, that judgment is taken to a completely different level. I sometimes feel like we have betrayed our gender, forcing women to live with post-partum depression in secret because they are too afraid to admit that they sometimes want to throw their baby out a window. Beyond post-partum, sometimes we just hit a rough patch as moms. I have only been one for a short while, but I know that we have our bad days just like our kids. Days with unexplained crying and fits of tantrums. These are not traits of a bad kid, they are traits of HUMANS.

As for who we are when we are not a mom, this truly enough falls by the wayside. Yes, there are those who are perfectly content with just being a mom and maybe even a wife and nothing else. I secretly suspect these are the women who invented things like starched collars... just kidding. To those who fill these roles and none other and feel 100% happy, more power to you! To the rest of us, those who stare down into beautiful faces sleeping and find we partly wish we were somewhere else, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Our husbands get to be "whole people" with jobs and hobbies and frat buddies and having a few beers, we deserve NOTHING LESS.

So my friend and I have set up a play date for just us, no kids, once a week. We are planning on doing something different each time, and trying out a new restaraunt when we go. I have a sneaking suspicion that once she finds something to be passionate about her doubts about her parenting ability will vanish. Until then, I will continue to remind her that to be a perfect mom you just have to try, and that's it. Whether you succeed is irrelevant.

Stolen Lines from Grace

2009-05-11T21:34:00.000-07:00

My cyber-pal Grace, who is a blogger I discovered by Googling "Ferrero Rocher commercial" does an experiment on her blog where she posts a line from a book and then writes a story/article/blog/poem/whatever starting with the line and ending with crediting the author. I'm breaking rules by explaining first, but I thought you all may want to play along. Plus, if you are interested in a new blog to follow (I am, because I'm pre-law and she's a smart, sassy, brilliant female lawyer who loves animals and hates those Rocher commercials as much as me) check her out.

So here is this month's Stolen Lines.

Feeling both empowered and terrified as I drove into work, I looked up at the sky and started talking.

It was important that I rehearse exactly what I would say to them when I got there. Laying me off at six months pregnant is one thing, but doing it the freaking same day as the ultrasound to find out the baby's sex, while I was working from home logged into the company network and diligently handling emergency calls on the 24 hour company support phone was quite another. On top of all that the way I found out was my NETWORK ACCESS was severed in the middle of a phone call. I had to hang up with the client to try and call my boss, who was mysteriously not answering any of his phones. I couldn't get into my email either. Nada. I finally got a hold of the lowest man on the totem pole, a totally awesome guy my department had hired at my recommendation. He awkwardly told me via messenger that "Um... some people have been laid off." My boss was apparently in a meeting getting details about his department which is why he hadn't answered his phones. Apparently people were being escorted from the building AS WE SPOKE. Uncool.

What did I feel? Relief. I had been miserable as the company was gradually losing its hip-startup atmosphere and turning into an entirely different animal. One that discourged criticism and free-thinking. The open-door policy they had so proudly touted had turned into an open-door-speak-your-peace-and-don't-let-the-door-hit-you-on-the-ass-on-the-way-out-unless-you-happen-to-be-there-to-kiss-our-asses policy. Also uncool.

By the time I got to the office I had a whole speech prepared. My unborn baby enthusiastically kicked along to my racing heartbeat. My boss looked heartbroken. He said he didn't understand the logic behind who they had cut. Our CFO told me it was strictly numbers; finding as much overhead to cut as possible and still function. All in all it was about 11% of staff; Early evidence this recession was going to be a total bitch-whore.

Today, I am (apparently, as my husband has not been accepted into med school) preparing applications for law school. I got in before, with several full rides to lower tier schools. I am hoping an updated transcript will help me do even better with better schools this go-round, but I freely admit I am frequently still terrified and talking to the sky.

I stole the first line of this post from Stay Tuned, by Jenniffer Weigel.

Outfit from Uncle Casey and Aunt Sheena

2009-05-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

My brother and his wife got this for Abby, and I couldn't wait until she was big enough to fit in it. She hit the height mark quickly, but was so skinny the pants would just fall off. She started putting on weight this week, so YAY! we tried again.

The Incredible Bendable Abby

2009-05-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

Abby fell asleep on her daddy this way. This is how she was in my tummy so I am not surprised at all, but now you can all get a visual of why I was dealing with a butt in my ribs and both fists and feet in my pelvis.

GROAN

2009-04-30T11:18:00.000-07:00

For the record, her hair did this to itself!

The baby gave me her cold. Now that she is feeling better, OF COURSE she must eat every two hours through the night when normally it's closer to four. Granted, it takes her half an hour to eat or so, therefore I am being woken up every hour and a half to feed her. While I am sick. With a horrible screaming headache. And I can't take anything for the congestion that won't keep me up all night because night time stuff will knock me out too much to wake up to feed her and the daytime stuff acts like CRACK. KILL.

This morning at 7:30 when she decided she was awake and would like to play thank you very much I shoved her in her swing and threw myself onto the couch. Brian looked up from WoW just long enough to hear me say I didn't care how much she screamed I was going to sleep.

And she fell asleep for a whole TWO HOURS so woohoo!

Grr.

2 Months Old

2009-04-28T16:21:00.001-07:00

Dear Abigail,

Today you are two months old. We've hit a number of milestones in the last week or so. You were prescribed Zantac for your reflux which means we have actually been able to lay you down on your back! This has made life much easier and happier for all of us, as we don't have to constantly hold you. You also started sleeping in your own bed, which is pretty darn awesome. Until now you have been sleeping with us and while you and I get really good sleep, it has certainly made quality time with your dad impossible. I miss not sleeping with you, and despite what the experts say, you actually wake up more often to eat when not with me. They always say that if you co-sleep babies eat more often, but you only eat once or twice in the middle of the night when in bed with us, and when in your bed it's more like 3-4 times. It's a trade off I guess! Usually after your early morning feeding I just keep you in bed, once your dad has left for work. It's a nice cuddly time for us.

You have started making all kinds of sounds. In your ever-expanding repertoire is "guh" "buh" "kuh" "aaaaaaaa" and this weird squealy one that is impossible to type I think but if I had to try it'd be like "aaaaaaeeeeeeeeeeee!" It's pretty darn awesome.

You've had a cold this week though, which has taken your voice. You get pretty annoyed when you can't squeal because of your froggy voice. You're almost better though, so we should hear you cooing again soon.

Today we had your two month doctor's appointment. You now weigh 11lb 1.5oz and are 24 1/2 inches long! This is about 50th percentile for weight and 97 PERCENTILE FOR HEIGHT! You are SOOO tall. The doctor says your height is closer to that of a 4 1/2 month old. You didn't even fit on the chart he was using, it didn't go high enough. You got your shots, which wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I was dreading it all day. The nurse was super fast. You didn't even notice the first shot, but the second and third one ticked you off. You were eating from a bottle when it was going on, so you cried for a second and then just kept eating. Not too traumatic for Mom at all.

It is almost Mother's Day and I must say, it is extremely strange and miraculous to me that I will be a mom this time! I always associate Mother's Day with my mom and grandma etc, it is totally strange to think it's MY DAY TOO! Weird.

I love you so much and can't believe how much fun we have. We took you to a party this past weekend and while you were very alert and happy and looking around, you would only giggle and grin for Mom. People kept calling me over when they were holding you to get me to stick out my tongue (your favorite and most entertaining game at the moment.) Your smile is so adorable and you definitely love your Mommy and Daddy. I always knew you would, but seeing the way you react to me melts my heart. Whenever someone is holding you and you start to fuss, they hand you to me and even if you're sick/hungry/grumpy/sleepy you smile at me.

I am so excited for the next month, when you will become more awake more often and start laughing more and more. We are going to have so much fun. I am also looking forward to you sleeping through the night, but for now I am enjoying our midnight/3 am/5am/8am cuddling and feeding sessions.

I love you, Mom

Colds and Creepy Cow Commercials

2009-04-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

So the baby has had a cold or something for the last few days. She has a serious nose-leaking problem, including some impressive snot bubble blowing skills. She sounds terrible and has a cough. She doesn't seem to mind much, other than when she can't get a good breath through her nose. When she cries she can't get a full scream in, and she sounds all gurgly. YUCK. The poor thing. In other news, is anyone else totally creeped out by the new Carl's Junior Orange Vanilla shake commercial with the two guys shaking cows and the weird techno music and flashing orange lights?

Just Cause I Haven't Blogged in a Bit

2009-04-22T10:37:00.001-07:00

Not a ton to report here. Baby is doing good. She is on Zantac now and it seems to be helping. She has become a Drool Monster lately. Her weight at the appointment the other day was 10 lbs 14 oz.

Brian sprained his ankle on Sunday while playing basketball with Gary. I got him some crutches but it has really made things difficult for us as he can't really get around the house and take care of baby, nor can he go out and get things like groceries. Tricky business. He is concerned about not being able to lift things when we move out, so we may have to recruit some helpers.

I am getting more and more excited to move down to Utah County. I feel bad that Brian will have to commute to the U every day, but I am looking forward to saving up some money. In addition to rent, we will be saving power, water, cable, internet, Netflix, renters insurance and who knows what else!!!?! I think we will probably move out at the beginning of May that way I can take my time packing up all the stuff that will be going into storage. Hopefully Alayna will get her stuff out soon so we can use her room as a sort of staging area for boxes. Guess we'll see!

Fun Times

2009-04-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

My mom came up today and watched the baby while I went to my doctor's appointment. My dad couldn't come because he had to fix the truck before they head out for Moab tomorrow (how much do they suck!?!)and since he wasn't going to get to see the baby and already missed her a lot he insisted mom take some pictures while she was here. Here's what we randomly caught:

Also, SHE IS LAUGHING NOW! We got our first real one last night and a couple more today. It kills me!

Well this is frickin lovely.

2009-04-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

This is the view from our balcony right now. I know the weather guy said it would snow, but we rarely get it as bad as everyone else up here due to being on the hill where it's super windy.

Note the lovely spring blooms. ARGH.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

We are doing absolutely nothing today, and it is fantastic. It's a nice day for nothing. As promised, here are pics of Abby in her Easter dress. (She got to wear it to the in-laws yesterday, as we celebrated early because they were going out of town.)

Shot to Hell

2009-04-08T12:39:00.000-07:00

At least I was, now not so much. Yesterday I had a dentist appointment. I lost a filling a few weeks ago but since it didn't hurt I decided to just do it the same day as my regular ortho appointment. Unfortunately the shot didn't work, (which we learned when he started drilling! OUCH!) so they gave me another one. Same problem. OUCH AGAIN! Finally the third one worked. This was around 3pm, and I was numb until 10. I couldn't really eat anything and my jaw hurt from something they did. My mom said I even had a bruise on my cheek. Guess it's just from the shots? My bottom teeth are almost done. Dr. Weber is estimating probably June and I will be totally done. I am also planning to get my gum line raised with a laser procedure, but that will probably be later. I am so glad I did this, and can't wait to just have to wear my retainer at night! WOOT! We went and bought Abby's Easter dress yesterday. It is SO cute. She looks like a little fairy. I will put it up sometime next week so you can see. After we were done visiting my parents in Santaquin we headed north, where Abby had a meltdown in the car. So we went to Horde House so I could feed her and chill her out. She was so mellow in the car on the way home after that. My shots finally wore off while we were there, and Kat was nice enough to hook me up with some awesome salsa (with corn and black beans in it too!) and chips and an ice cold apple beer. HOW COOL IS THAT!?! It was awesome.

My Little Cuddle Bug

2009-04-06T12:32:00.000-07:00

Abby has grown so much. Today when she wakes up I am going to break out the tape measure and check, because she is seriously LONG. She has put on some fat, but is still relatively thin for her height. She finally fit into her lady bug outfit though, and it looks SO cute.

She has started smiling and giggling (although without real vocalization though) and it is SO dang adorable. It just kills me.

Our anniversary was great. Sarah came over for movie night on Saturday and we went for sushi (FIRST REAL SUSHI IN MONTHS!) and cracked open the champagne Amy and Jeremie had given us as a wedding gift. It was awesome. Sunday we relaxed then went down to see all the family. Abby was awake and smiling and playing a lot for both of them, which was cool. It was proof it's not all in my head!

One Year Ago

2009-04-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

Our anniversary is coming up this Sunday. I can't believe it's already been a year since we got married. It has been the best year of my life. I can't believe how lucky I feel to be with Brian. Our relationship is better than anything I have ever known. I was worried about getting pregnant so soon after getting married, because we needed "more time together." Now that the baby is here, I realize we have really gotten a lot closer over the past year and haven't missed out on anything. I am still so thrilled to see him whenever he comes home and my heart still races every time he kisses me. I look forward to the many years to come.

This weekend we will crack open the bottle of champagne given to us as a wedding gift and have a toast. I am so excited!

Dear Abigail (And updates)

2009-03-30T12:35:00.000-07:00

Every month I plan to write a letter to Abby, listing all the amazing ways she has changed. I figure here is as good a place as any to post it.

Dear Abigail,

Well, we survived your first month! I can't believe you are now a month old. I feel like I have always known you and yet every time I look at you I can't believe how fast the time has gone and how much you have changed. You've put on a fair amount of weight and inches, so much so that it's actually tough to squeeze both of us into my rocking chair and have you fit horizontally between the arm rests. I have to sort of tuck your legs off to one side and behind me in order to do it. I have a feeling you are going to be a very tall and beautiful woman. This week we have seen you come alive like never before. When we have playtime, you smile at me. Until this morning you hadn't done it for anyone else, you really love your Mommy! I even managed to get a quasi-giggle out of you the other day. We were playing and you were consistently throwing back your head and smiling these HUGE smiles and then you said "GUH!" I know it's such a small thing, but it melted my heart completely.

Everyone is completely crazy about you. Your grandmas are always fighting over who gets to spend more time with you, and when we visit their respective houses the other family members have to have jousting competitions to get to hold you. Well, maybe I am exaggerating a bit there but your Grandma Beanie refuses to hand you off even while cooking or attempting to chop vegetables and Grandma Holly persistently tries to wake you up from your naps so she can play with you, despite your mother's protestation.

Your grandpas are another story, which makes me go all weepy. They are completely nuts about you, again wanting to hold you but with this slight panic on their faces. Your Grandpa Bruce sings to you all the time, even when you're crying and he looks sort of uncertain about what to do. Your Grandpa Alan looks at you and you smile at him. It's adorable how much they all love you.

Your aunts and uncles are the same, some more than others. Your Uncle Gary continues to surprise me with his adoration. He doesn't hold you often, but hovers around whoever is holding you at the moment and strokes your hair and comments about how he is going to corrupt you. He thinks you look like a rock star, which is good, it's totally the look I was going for. Your Uncle Steve openly dotes on you, also hovering but constantly reacting to every little facial expression you make. He thinks you are "pretty dang cool" and I think he is for thinking that. Of course your Aunt Alayna can't get enough of you. Whenever she is home, she is holding you. (This helps Mommy get to take showers and eat food!) She is always willing to help out and gets very sad when she has to leave you behind when she goes to work.

While all of these people are in love with you, no one tops your dad and I. We feel so blessed. I always heard that breastfeeding helped with bonding, but I had no idea. I get neck strain from staring down at your angelic face while you eat, and love holding you in my arms so much of the day. I don't mind that you don't want to be put down because honestly, I don't want to put you down. This morning I got a little frazzled and angry, because at 5am you decided it was play time and I had a horrible headache and was exhausted. I tried for a couple hours and then handed you off to your dad. He spent an hour or so playing with you then you two took a nap together. He said he had so much fun playing with you, as it was really his first time since the little "switch" in your brain got switched on. You always had personality, but it is really starting to show and every little smile just kills us. We love you so much and we are already so proud of you Little Miss.

Love, Mom

So there is the first letter. We'll see if I can keep up with it. This month for the mother's calendars the themes were April Showers and Fun in the Tub! I decided to get a little crazy and photoshopped the pics. I also did another picture just for fun. Check them out!

I can't believe how different Abby looks just since in the last few weeks. We managed to have a successful bath, without all the screaming (until the water got cold, of course) and I managed to get this picture:

She is just so beautiful.

One final bit of news, we will be living in Utah County for the summer! YAY! Brian's parents are going to let us stay with them until we find out if Brian got into school or not, so we won't have to move twice in two months. They will be in St. George, so it will be mostly us. However, I have a feeling having the baby there will make Diane think twice about how much time she wants to be gone!

My Daughter is So Freaking CUTE!

2009-03-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Here is proof! She is totally passed out on Aunt Alayna.

It's like she knows she kept me up all night and wants to look extra cute today to make up for it!

Doing Well

2009-03-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

We had our two week doctor's appointment yesterday. Abby is doing great! She has grown 2 1/2 inches (she's now 22.5) and now weighs 9lbs 3oz. This was great news as it means she is thriving on the breast milk. We have gotten a rhythm going with the breastfeeding and pooping and she is much happier. Pretty much the secret is I have her be awake (she tries to eat and poop at the same time right when she wakes up and with the tummy pain it's incredibly frustrating for both of us) for about half an hour with her pacifier before trying to feed her. This means she latches on immediately and stays there rather than me constantly trying to put her back on and her spitting out milk everywhere as she tries to have a bowel movement. It has been incredibly frustrating lately, with me feeling like I can never leave my house. Having to feed her every three hours and each feeding lasting an hour, during which I repeatedly fight to keep her latched on and she is spitting out milk everywhere. This does not contribute to easy feeding, especially outside of the house. I was especially stressed out about the wedding of Brian's sister and my friend Tony, given that my dress zipped up the back and I wasn't sure if there would be a place to feed Abby. I certainly wasn't going to feed her in a public bathroom, (again because it takes an hour and also EWWW). Luckily, Kristen said I could use the bride's room. There were a lot of people coming in and out constantly, but they were tactful and understanding. Tony's brother got a pretty major eye-full LOL. He was cool about it though. The day went really well and the baby pretty much slept the entire time, waking up to eat only twice. She was the hit of the party (apologies to the bride) and was passed around. Grandpa Bruce spent the most time holding her. It was awesome to hear everyone telling me how beautiful she is. SHE REALLY IS! Grandpa Bruce also sang her a song that day. He is so in love, it's adorable. It was the funnest wedding I have ever been to! I got to spend a lot of time visiting with people and played a little Rock Band. Abby rocked a faux-hawk for the occasion. As soon as we get copies of the pictures I will put them up. Here is a picture of our little rock star from the other day:

I'm Not Hysterical...

2009-03-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

I'm just tired. Last night Abby got up for her 2am feeding and she would not go back to sleep. Her tummy hurt and she was just screaming and screaming. At one point Brian rolled over because I had started to just let her cry and I told him she'd been up since 2. He said "That sucks" and rolled over and went back to sleep. At that point I turned into a psychopath, imagining all the ways I could beat him in his sleep. 8:45 this morning I burst into tears and Brian finally offered to take her for a couple hours so I could sleep. I am so frustrated. She will only sleep if she is on her stomach across our chests or in a similar position, which of course isn't safe for her to do in her crib. She strains and squeezes and tries to poop or pass gas or whatever and just screams. I am going to throttle...er...ask the doctor about this on Monday. We'll see how it goes. Of course she doesn't do this during the day. So apparently I am going to be a freaking vampire, shunning the sun in favor of sleep.

One Week Later

2009-03-07T11:47:00.000-08:00

Well it's been one week since our little miracle was born. I have definitely become one of "those people." Every little thing is the most amazing thing ever. I will try to keep it in proportion for you all. We have now achieved pooping!!! This may sound insane, being excited about poop, but my understanding is this is part of motherhood. After watching Abby in horrible pain for a couple of nights, it is such a sweet relief to know her little body is adapting to my milk. Thankfully the engorgement has nearly gone away, and Abby is eating every 3 hours like clockwork. She sleeps in between feedings and we get a couple hours a day of her being awake and happy. So pretty much she is behaving like she ought to be and our sweet angel has returned to us. I was really worried she was going to have colic or reflux or something, but all is well!

We had our first bath the other night, and boy was she unhappy about that. The only part she likes is having water run over her hair to rinse out the shampoo. Something about being naked and cold, I dunno, she's just a wuss. J/K

Here are some pics of the first bathtime:

Last night we went out to dinner at PF Chang's with Amy and Jeremie for their 10th anniversary. The baby did just fine and it was our first successful outing! Well she's up, back later.

This is the post that never ends.

2009-03-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

Obviously I have not been around online lately. I didn't even check my email until yesterday, which to be honest, I thought would feel equivalent to a 400 pound man sitting on my chest dangling candy in front of me. But, it has been quite the contrary, as I have this little miracle to distract me. Only the obligation to get on and update people has been bugging me to find the time, so here I sit. Abby is asleep in her bed. This is a freaking miracle, you have no idea. BUT YOU WILL. So, to satisfy all the curiosity, here is the post that never ends. Feel free to skip past the bits you already know.

1. The Birth

Around 6:30 on Saturday I rolled over and woke up my darling husband, prodding him ever so gently (yeah right) to give it up. Last chance for a while honey! Immediately following the awesome I started having contractions. And they weren't stopping. I was so excited thinking maybe I was already in labor, which meant breaking my water was merely a formality! We got to the hospital around 8 o'clock. The nurses got us all settled in and told us Doctor Robinson would be there in about forty five minutes to break my water. An hour and a half later she arrived and BAM! It was done. My contractions at this point were already about 4 minutes apart, so at 9:30 the doctor said she would have me checked around noon to see what our progress had been. As we were going natural I did not want to be on monitors, so they just insisted I have them on 20 minutes once an hour. After the first round, they let me get up and do my thing. Brian led me into hypnosis, as the contractions were already about a 5 on the pain scale. My parents showed up and we all settled in for the ride. When the nurse didn't come back after a really long time to check my progress, and my contractions were closer to a 7 on the pain scale and like every 2 minutes, I asked Brian to go find someone. They came in and hooked me up, apologizing for losing track of time with another delivery next door. This could have cost Abby her life, as the moment they hooked me up they all started freaking out. Her heart rate had shot down from 132 to 60. Anything below 100 is considered distress. They immediately put me on an IV and oxygen, and had me try getting on my sides, and finally on my hands and knees. While on my hands and knees I burst into tears as her heart rate was not coming back up. They said it was because my contractions were way too intense and way too close together. They checked me and I was 5.5-6 cm. I had been four when we showed up and it had only been a few hours so this was going very very fast. I was in so much pain, about an 8 at this point. Being on the oxygen was making me feel like I couldn't breathe because it was a stupid mask and I was breathing all this hot air. I was super stressed because they had moved furniture around to be able to get the bed out to go for a c-section. Abby's heart rate finally started to come back up after they gave me a drug to slow down my contractions. At this point, I was in so much pain and so sick from the oxygen and stress I started throwing up. At that point I gave it awhile longer and asked for an epidural. I was about a 7 when they gave it to me. The next couple hours were fantastic, except for the damn oxygen mask. I wanted to visit with the family but the stupid mask kept people from understanding me. Brian was pretty much the only one who could, so he translated, which was kind of sweet. Before we knew it it was time to push. About an hour and a half later she was out! So from 9:30 when the broke my water to 3:46 when she was born, it went incredibly fast. She was 8lbs 13oz and 20 inches long. She has a ton of dark long hair! The actual delivery was scary, as her cord had a pinch in it and it took several minutes for her to breathe and for that first cry. Watching the team across the room trying to get her breathing was absolutely terrifying. I was so freaked out that I asked them to go ahead and give her to Brian while the doctor stitched me up and took care of the after-birth. He sat and held her for about half an hour and she just stared up at him. The minute he started talking to her she reacted like she knew his voice. It was SO amazing. She got passed around a bit and then they gave her to me. Again, when I started talking she raised her eyebrows up like she knew me. What a trip that was.

2. The Days in the Hospital

Our first night was really rough. Trying to teach her to breastfeed while trying to learn myself was frustrating. She would drift off for about fifteen minutes then wake up. I would try to nurse her or walk with her and repeat. I got very very little sleep, plus they kept coming to take her away to do tests and coming into check my blood pressure and stomach. I felt pretty good, with hardly any pain at all, so I declined the loritab etc. they wanted to give me and just took ibuprofen. At 6am they wanted her for another test, and the nurse offered to keep her until she got hungry so I could sleep. So I got a couple hours out of that. The next day we had tons and tons of visitors, which was awesome. Abby loved all the commotion and slept a lot. She got to be held by nearly all her aunts and uncles and several family friends. I felt so happy to see everyone and was grateful for the visitors.

The second night went a bit better, she slept more between feedings and had actually started latching on easier and feeding longer. Brian and I took turns with her so we could both get some sleep, as Brian was going to work for part of the day. The nursery took her again for an hour and a half or so and we got a bit more sleep. Brian left for work the next morning and Sara came up to hang out with me while he was gone. She was so helpful getting us packed up to go home and holding the baby while I rested. She even brought snacks, which I was super grateful for. We checked out around 3pm or so and came home to chill out. Alayna had cleaned up the whole house and done our laundry for us and was very excited to spend some time with Abby. It was a really great day. That night she slept a lot, so we got good rest between feedings and thought we had gotten lucky to have such a good baby.

3. Baby's Day Out

After our first night home, I felt so amazing. I had no pain, no other real discomfort and I had a ton of energy. So, we got Abby dressed and Alayna and I took her for her first shopping trip! We ran a couple of errands and then headed to Albertson's to get prescriptions and groceries. Every other person in the store would stop us to comment on how cute she is. She really IS! That night Abby started having trouble around dinnertime. She would scream and almost nothing we did would make her stop. She seemed to be in pain. I was thinking maybe it was gas, as putting her on her stomach or right side seemed to help. She slept for maybe two hours the whole night, and so did I. The next morning at 9 we had our fist pediatrician appointment, so when she drifted off at 7 and I had to get her ready at 8 I was pretty bummed. I was so exhausted and Brian had to go to work. He had gotten more sleep than me, though not a lot, and decided to sleep in. I can handle crying, but knowing she is in pain was horrific. The doctor said based on our log of her eating and pooping that she was likely constipated and that babies don't really have gas problems this early. He said my milk had come in so fast (record time) that her body just likely hadn't transitioned from colostrum to milk yet and that it is super hard for them to have bowel movements at first because they don't have any ab muscles yet. He said if she didn't work it out on her own soon to get some sugar suppositories. When we got home (yay for car rides, she was asleep) Brian was still in bed. I was so tired so Brian offered to stay home from work and hang with Abby while I napped. My mom was coming up so this wasn't really an option, but I did get a bit of a power nap in. Abby was still screaming a lot, though her daddy really is magical because he can calm her down for at least part of the time.

4. Visit from Grandma

My mom came up with my grandma yesterday afternoon and brought us lunch. I had just fed Abby and got her to sleep when they showed up, so I handed her off to my mom. With her constipation being miserable she would not sleep for more than half hour or so at a time, so I anticipated just moving her she would wake up. Mom plunked her down across her chest and she slept until they left a couple hours later. After they left Abby's head smelled like my mom's perfume. MMMM.

5. Relief

Last night I was finally upset enough for her that I went and got some. BAM! All better. She slept until around 3 or so and ate really well. Around 6 she had the same problem, so we went for round 2. BAM! All better again. She slept until 11 this morning and then ate like a champ, then went right back to sleep. This is much more normal behavior for her age, so I am very relived.

6. Sleeping Arrangements

We have a bassinet attached to our bed, but this is still a bit wide open and scary for her so she prefers to snuggle with us. Obviously this doesn't allow any sleep for us, as we worry about her safety, so we keep trying to put her in her bed. She sleeps for about five minutes then wakes up and screams. We were hoping this was just related to her tummy pains, because she can't be on her stomach in bed like she can with us holding her. Now that she's moved her bowels a bit more, she seems to be sleeping better and deeper. This morning after her breakfast she drifted off and I managed to get her into her bed. It's been about 3 hours now and she hasn't even moved! YAY! I am so relieved because I wanted her to get comfortable in her bed. Oops, I spoke too soon, she just woke up!

Here are pictures!

The Night Before

Just Born!

First Hairdo!

Ready to Go Home!

First Time in the Carseat

Here's the New Mom Today!

I Will Be A Mother Tomorrow

2009-02-27T13:38:00.000-08:00

Or early Sunday, depending on how things go...

It looks like Sara Wootton or I will be the winner of the baby pool! BWAHAHA to all you suckers who thought this baby would show up at a REASONABLE date, don't you know she is Spawn of Yuppie? (That's Brian for you non-horde members.)

I am pretty freaked out about the whole thing. Obviously I have all the excitement too, but it is pretty crazy that I will become a parent TOMORROW. Knowing when is kind of weird, because it's such an indefinite thing when a baby comes, so knowing just the date is pretty bizarre.

Tonight Brian and I will be going out on a date. I plan on getting some pictures of the night before, like this one of my parents I have. Also, just for fun, here is a cute pic of me when I was little. I thought diapers were hats. My mom kept the diaper holder thingie in reach of my crib, so I kept pulling out clean diapers and putting them on.

Already She's Habitually Late

2009-02-25T12:38:00.000-08:00

Every time I have expected my daughter to show up at a specific day or time, she has bailed on me. She is NOT punctual. Okay granted, I have only once expected her to do anything at a certain day or time, and that was only kind of because a due date is only an estimate... but STILL!

I had contractions from 12am to 10am this morning. They were painful. I got very little sleep. Then they freaking went away. I really thought this was it. Grr. Oh well. I have a feeling we'll be going in on Saturday to induce. Bummer. If she gets any bigger they may have to cut her out of me, which would be teh suck.

My grandma is doing better. They think maybe her blood pressure meds need to be stopped or adjusted, because they are doing TOO good of a job. Lamesauce. We'll see what happens. That is pretty much the story of my life at the moment, just wait and see.

In other news, our new computer showed up today. And it only took me four hours to get the wireless internet working on it! YAY! I hate Vista. Blech. It is super shiny and has a huge hard drive and can run all kinds of things my laptop looks at and then retreats with its tail between its legs. I may actually get to play games that require a good graphics card! YAY!

I'm Not Really a Waitress

2009-02-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

Out of boredom and anticipation for the arrival of the baby you may find I am posting two or three times a day. So sorry for those of you who subscribe to feeds and will either be inundated or miss out on posts depending on how often you read.

My toenails are now a glorious shade of "I'm Not Really a Waitress," a sassy shade of red Sarah Anderson got me as a baby shower surprise. I must say I did an excellent job painting them, despite the difficulty in navigation. They look fantastic, and every time I look down at my feet (YES I CAN STILL SEE THEM!) I get first surprised (as my memory sucks at the moment) and then happy to see the shiny redness smiling up at me.

My mom called me tonight with some unfortunate news. My uncle James is in town (he's a truck driver who lives in Montana, so he passes through Utah occasionally and stops for a few hours to visit when he can) so he and my parents and my grandma went out to dinner. After they were preparing to leave, my grandma started to sweat and get all clammy, then passed out. They called and ambulance and it turns out her blood pressure had tanked. So she is in the hospital right now and they are attempting to determine a cause, especially provided she had just had a big meal. They may keep her overnight for observation, so we will see. Abby needs to wait at least 12 hours to be born, because my mom is in the hospital staying with my grandma. Of course my mom encourages me to call if I need her and she will come on up.

I called and chatted with my mother-in-law today, giving her updates. Apparently Bruce has a bike race in St. George this weekend, so we're crossing our fingers that Abby shows up before her induction date so he won't have to miss either the race or the birth. We'll see! Diane is so excited about the baby, it was really fun to chat with her. She suggested I eat an entire box of See's Chocolates and watch some funny movies, as this helped launch labor for her once before. She said she threw up the chocolates, but she didn't mind! LOL.

We'll see what tonight brings! My back is hurting me off and on which is a good (I know, it's so weird to be happy about pain) sign.

Also, the quesadilla maker the Woottons got us for Christmas is also awesome for toasting bagels!

Love to you all!